I’m not even sure what to say about today. I’m in a strange mood – it’s a generally happy and good mood, suppressed somewhat by a bit of contemplativeness. I’m not sure how much more descriptive I can be than that; nevertheless, it’s not bad in any way. I quite like this mood, actually. It’s due to the day that I’ve had today, so I suppose I should explain that some more and maybe you’ll understand how I’m feeling right now a bit better.
I woke up in a pretty good mood, not overly happy, but just sort of…there. I didn’t really have a mood, I suppose. I went on the computer for a while, took a shower, got changed and all that fun stuff, and then decided that I was going to go out to the Gospel Lighthouse. See, a week ago or so, I made a deal with myself, concerning this: I wanted the Seven Places CD, but I also didn’t want to spend my money. Normally I’d just download their songs off the internet and burn them onto a CD, but I could only find a few of their songs. So I made a deal with myself that if I got a job, I would go out and buy the CD. Seeing as I am now employed, I decided to keep my word to myself and go out and buy it. I took the car and headed over to the store, looked at the CDs for a…Continue Reading
These are a few words that just mean a lot to me right now. I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of Seven Places, but they sure do a good job of encouraging me when I’m down. Everyone screws up, and I know that – but have you ever hurt someone else, and you know you did, and that hurt makes the whole situation ten times worse? It’s not what you did that bothers you, it’s that you hurt that person. That’s what I’m feeling right now. I mess up daily, and God’s the one that still keeps loving me over and over and over, in spite of what I’ve done. But when I sin, it still breaks His heart. And when I look back at just how many times I’ve done that, it hurts so much more. I don’t understand how He doesn’t just give up on me – or anyone, for that matter – but He still loves us all deeply. And that’s the only thing that gives me hope sometimes. So with that introduction, here’s Holes In His Hands by Seven Places:
You said your days were over That the sun would never shine again From glory days, to wicked ways You’ve lost your forgiveness of sin You walk through your desert Wondering why and what you’ve become You said you’ve slipped through the fingers Of the hands of God
You’ve fallen out of His hands Or at least that’s what you said The truth is not…Continue Reading
Today is Sunday, and normally I’d still be in bed, but my dad had to leave early, so we got up early and had breakfast with him. I just thought I’d throw that in. Last night was kind of strange. Jordan was trying to set up some practice, but Kyle was at the prom. So Kristin invited people to her house, and I went. In total, it was Kristin, Michelle, Angelie, Jordan, and myself. We got there and then spent about fifteen minutes figuring out what to do. No one really had any bright ideas. Michelle suggested mini-golf, but Kristin called and found out they were closing early because it was going to rain. What ended up happening was that we all got into my car and headed off to an unknown destination.
So about five minutes later, we stopped in at Wal-mart. I admit, it wasn’t much of an adventure, and we could have just walked there, but oh well. We went in and walked around until Angelie had to go pee (which was about thirty seconds), and then waited for about twenty minutes (or two) while she used the restroom, all the while discussing why it was called a “restroom” if you didn’t take a rest, or a “washroom” when that usually wasn’t the main purpose of your visit, or a “bathroom” when some didn’t even have bath tubs. It was a very intellectual conversation, let me tell you. I think we ended up deciding to change all…Continue Reading
I’m giving You my heart, and all that is withinI lay it all down, for the sake of You my KingI’m giving You my dreams, I’m laying down my rightsI’m giving up my pride, for the promise of new life
And I surrenderAll to You, all to You
I’m singing You this song, I’m waiting at the crossAnd all the world holds dear, I count it all as lossFor the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your nameTo know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain
We sang this song at church this morning. My heart just wasn’t in it today and I had to stop singing because I knew that I’d be lying to God. He’s just feeling really distant right now, and though I’ve been trying hard to get closer to Him through reading Scripture, Reading The Purpose-Driven Life, and praying daily – even recording my prayers in a prayer journal, things just don’t seem to be working right now. I know He’s there. I even thanked him for that yesterday, that He is always there even when it doesn’t feel like it. I trust that He is. But to surrender to a God who just doesn’t seem to be there right now? I’m not sure that I can at the moment.
I’ve got to sort things out in my head, and although I still will try my best to “surrender all to Him,” I truly just can’t sing that song without knowing that I’m…Continue Reading
Nothing happened at all today. Well, okay, lots happened and it was a pretty cool day. I got my name drawn in our little lunchtime prayer group and got prayed for, which was kind of strange, but whatever. I’m glad that we have that group, because it’s not only sharpened my prayer life, but has also helped me grow closer to the people there. It’s also made me more aware of some of the needs that we have in the school, and while I don’t have the greatest memory, I try to pray for them whenever I think of them. And really, I do it right when I think of it so I don’t forget it. Some people prefer to write down requests for later; I would rather just take a few minutes to pray for something that pops into my mind. Not only is it relaxing to pray, since it’s easy to let my life get too busy sometimes, but it also keeps me on my toes, so to speak, and sensitive to what the Holy Spirit brings up. While I’m not sure exactly how biblical this concept is, I’m sure that the Holy Spirit can direct our thought processes to remind us of certain things. I mean, here I am with a horrible memory, and I haven’t missed reading my Bible for one day in about two months now. That’s almost unheard of for me.
But anyways, I’m not sure where that line of thought came from. I…Continue Reading
This place rings with echoes ofLives once lived but now are lostTime spent wondering about tomorrowI don’t care if we lose it all tonightUp in flames, burning brightWarming the air of the world
“I don’t love you anymore” is all I remember you telling meNever have I felt so coldBut I’ve no more blood to bleed‘Cause my heart has been draining into the sea
Since I’ve taken your footstepsGetting me closer to what is leftOf the dreams of what I once claimed to knowWithin my bones this resonatesBoiling blood will circulateCould you tell me again what you did this for?
Still I waitWith a hope inside of me (inside of me)So still (so still) I wait (I wait)Until again we meetUntil again we meet
I just think this song is awesome. It has great guitar and drums, along with the amazing raspy voice of the lead singer. Stylistically, I love this song. But as with all music with words sung or spoken, the lyrics are one of the more important parts. I’ve always hated songs where the music is awesome but the lyrics mean nothing. I mean, those songs have their place; maybe they’re supposed to be silly or the songwriter has a deeper meaning behind them. However, songs with no meaning are just useless. It’s like trying to make a movie by just showing random images and video clips of anything and everything. Some people of the more artistic mindset who will give you the benefit of the doubt…Continue Reading
I really have nothing to talk about. At all. The last two days have been horribly boring and bland. I mean, not much really happens in my life to begin with, but this has even been below that level. Summer’s so great because you can hang out with people the entire week without school and homework even crossing your mind or getting in the way.
Anyways, I won’t start rambling about the universe or anything, but I’ll post some lyrics to another song I like. I hate songs with no meaning behind them, but then again there are always those songs which only have meaning to the writer of them.
Flicker insideI’ve seen the end, my friendCannot continue in this lifeAbide in the promises toldAbide in the promises provenAbide in the promises told, abide in
Fan the spark of hopeAll is not lost hereI saw the outcome once beforeSo distant, it seems so long ago, He’s still aliveIntercession so strongFan the flame, so close nowAwaken the strength internal
Write it down, make it plainI saw the end once beforeYou were there with your heart in your hand outstretched
Shedding this darknessWith every glance to the skyThe fire is revealing these walls, heart twisting, turningFaithful, sleepless, faithfulBut now I can feelBut now I can taste the air of freedomRipping through, moving wallsRipping down this structureThe air of freedom ripping through me
This song is by Living Sacrifice, a Christian heavy metal band that I found a few years ago. This song…Continue Reading