Posts Tagged “reflection”

Observations About Observation

Sometimes I like to sit back and observe. Sometimes the thing I most like to do when relaxing is to just watch something or someone. Maybe it’s a strange hobby. Maybe it’s a little crazy, but I like to do it.

Today on the bus, I was just listening to my music and staring out the window. The only thing about me that moved were my eyes as they darted back and forth, staring at every little thing that passed by. It’s a shame, really, when you think about how much detail you miss every day. I mean, I almost missed my stop because I was looking out at the little creek right near my house. I go by there almost every day of my life, and yet I still found it interesting.

But buses aren’t ideal circumstances for observation. The best way is to take walks. I don’t walk as much as I wish I did, although there’s a reason for that. While I like relaxing and just looking at things, I also like doing it with someone else. It gets boring after a while when you’re by yourself. And while I listen to music when I’m alone, it’s just not the same. It’s just so much better when you can walk with someone else and just talk about anything that comes into your head. I wish I had someone to do that with, but most people are just too busy to just go and take a walk for…Continue Reading


Today was a little strange. Most of the day was alright, but what happened at lunch sort of threw things off a bit. It wasn’t so much the situation as it was the part of me that I’ve been trying to get rid of flaring up again. I got into a little argument with Steph about some things that went on at youth last night. The details really aren’t important; needless to say, though, it was a difference of opinion. Both of us tend to be quite opinionated, and thus we sometimes clash over stuff that later seems pretty stupid. I mean, I was a little ticked off just because of the fact that she always has her little opinion about youth and what should and shouldn’t be done, and then was telling me not to criticize and such, but the fact is she’s right. She could probably use a little of her own advice, but the fact remains that I really do criticize a lot.

I usually like to think of myself as pretty easy-going. It’s just stupid stuff that gets under my skin sometimes. I mean, with this situation, it wasn’t even that I thought what they did was bad, but rather I thought they could have done something better. Then, of course, two stubborn people get on opposite sides, and start arguing over something that really doesn’t matter. I should have just bit my tongue and ended it right before or soon after it started. I should…Continue Reading

Amazing Grace

I think I’m starting to see a pattern here. I’m really discovering a direct connection between two things in my life. But before I get to that, let me tell you a bit about my day.

Probably the highlight of the day was Parenting class – which is quite unusual considering how much I hate that class. It’s normally so boring and repetitive, but today was a different type of class. Instead of reading the book or taking up questions, we watched a taped episode of SuperNanny from last night. I must say, that was a very disturbing show.

I’ve never been the type of person to sit down and watch shows like that and Dr. Phil. To me, it seems like just a big money-making scam to exploit people and dysfunctional families to make a profit. That’s what most things seem to be these days – any way people can make a buck, they take it. I mean, I have nothing against Dr. Phil or Jo (SuperNanny) as people; I’m sure they have honest intentions and are truly trying to help people. It’s the media organizations that I can’t stand. Here are people, trying to get help, and the only way they can do that is to sell their personal life to millions of viewers on multinational television. They get the help for free, but with a catch – they have to give away all their rights to privacy and let millions of people have an in-depth peek into…Continue Reading

Some Personal Stuff

I’m not sure what to write about today (like most every other day). Today was really long and boring. Three classes with Mr. Gillmore are enough to make anyone go insane. I suppose if you’re already insane, though, it’s not as bad. I wouldn’t know, though, of course. Anyways, I just haven’t been feeling too well lately – not physically, but emotionally. I’ve just been feeling…blah. That’s the only word to describe it. I mean, part of it I think has to do with my horrible sleeping patterns, but somehow I don’t think that’s it. It’s pretty pathetic since I’m doing a Bible study on Philippians right now – a book all about joy. Isn’t it ironic that the time I’m least joyful is the time when I’m reading a book on joy?

Anyways, last night was a little screwed up. I was going pretty crazy over some stupid stuff. I mean, I still stand by what I said in my blog yesterday, but I’ve got more of a handle on myself now. It was pretty messed up, though. I went to church in the morning and was talking to the Tozers, who asked me if I could phone Jordan this afternoon and ask if he wanted to come to the Last Chance presentation at our church. I said sure, and that afternoon, I tried getting ahold of him; however, the line was busy. I called back a couple other times with no success. So, since my parents had to…Continue Reading

Pressures of Acceptance

I don’t know what to tell you.I can’t seem to spit out the wordsThat so accurately depict my situation.I’m adrift in a sea of lost communication.

I’m not doing this for the reasons you think;I have my reasons, but I can’t express them.I can only hope that you see the hurt in my eyesAs you disappointedly walk away.

You want me to get along, to be part of that group,But it’s just not possible. I don’t fit in. I’m not like them.I want to grow; I want to be better than I am today.They are stagnant; they say they want to grow, but don’t.

If only you understood me, you would know.You’ve never bothered to discover who I am.You offer me no support for the things I want to do,But rather point me in the direction you want.

I’m trying to find someone who understands me.I’m trying to find someone who I can relate to.And I’m losing more hope every day of finding that person.I want someone to love; yet no one accepts me.

Please understand the reason why I look dead on the outside.I have a world of new growth flowing from inside me;I just have nowhere to let it show on the outside.No one seems to want to see who I am inside.

Routines and daily rituals are just a show.I’d gladly give them all up for someone who cared.If someone out there showed me the need to change, I would.I just haven’t found them yet.

God is…Continue Reading


Miscellaneous · · 2 comments

I’m really bored right now after waking up early for no apparent reason, so I’m just going to write down some questions that pop into my head. They’re in no particular order, some are relevant to the stuff I’m dealing with right now, and some aren’t. Your job is to figure out which are which…or not. Whatever. Abandon all hope ye who read on.

How come I can never get a good night’s sleep?Why is it that everything has to be planned in advance or else it’ll fall apart?How come even things that are planned in advance fall apart?How come people can’t just do what they say they’re going to do?How come I don’t always do what I say I’m going to do?Why are Garfield cartoons rarely funny?How come some people can never just be happy for you?How come my words always get twisted around?Why does my confidence always come across as arrogance, when it’s really a struggle for me to find anything good to say about myself?How come sometimes the people that seem to have it all together are the ones that really need the most help?How come sliced bread is held up as such a great invention when I could have thought it up myself?What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?Why do I always hesitate to hang out with people when I know I’m going to be bored if I don’t anyways?How come some girls flirt so much and then wonder why all these guys think she…Continue Reading

Battles of the Mind

I was looking on the disk I have with all my poems on it for a good poem to describe what I’m feeling today, but I didn’t really find one. I’m not really in the mood to make one, but let me just describe a little about what’s been going through my head.

It all starts as I dig into the Scripture; I haven’t looked at these passages recently (until now, as I’m looking them up), but they’ve popped into my mind as examples of what I’m talking about. Take a look, first, at what Paul says to the Corinthian church:

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God – even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1)

Focus mainly on the last sentence. Here Paul tells the Corinthians to follow him as he follows Christ. What an example! Paul had the confidence to say that to these people; he knew that he was strong enough to be Christ-like example to them. He knew that he wouldn’t stumble and lead them astray. Now, take a look at Job:

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.…Continue Reading