Sometimes it’s all I can do Just to keep on trying, Just to get up when I fall, And continue on with You.
Sometimes the path ahead Seems too daunting. Sometimes it seems as if I’m on this path alone.
But most often I feel That You could never love Someone as shameful as me; I’m a blemish on Your reputation.
And yet You look down On me in love. You are always smiling Because above all, I am Yours.
Help me remember this In these times when it’s so hard: When all I ever do is fail You, You try ever harder to reach me.
You are the One that sustains me; You are the One who catches me When I fall, and who holds me In His mighty hand.
Your face is what I seek; Though I struggle and strain, Remember that my only desire Is to know You more and better.
Hold me in Your outstretched arms. Let Your love shine ever down on me. And though I am weak and frail, Your strength will sustain me always.
Which is better: to make a promise that you know you can’t keep, or to never make the promise and keep on doing what you wanted to promise to avoid? I ask this because I truly don’t know. Often I’ll sin, and then I’ll realize it as the Holy Spirit convicts me; however, as I sit there in the knowledge of my sin and ask God for His forgiveness,…Continue Reading
I don’t have much to say today – yet again. I haven’t hung out with anyone in a few days, but that’s alright. If nothing happens tonight, I’ll get to see people tomorrow for sure at youth. I’ve called a few businesses again today trying to follow up on resumes and interviews and such. Home Hardware said they still had more people to interview, and then they’d get back to me. The other ones I tried calling either didn’t pick up the phone, or they told me there weren’t any positions available. I guess that was to be expected, since if they were looking for someone, they likely would have called me already. So Home Hardware still remains as my best option.
God’s been teaching me a few things lately. Although I don’t quite understand it fully, it goes something like this: God doesn’t want me to try to fix my problems, but rather He wants me to fix the relationship with Him so that He can fix them. A lot of times I’ll pray and ask God for forgiveness for something I’ve done wrong, and I’ll ask Him to help me fix the situation and fix the bad habits I have. I mean, that’s what everyone’s always told me that God wants. Once we have a relationship with Him, He wants us to live a holy life, right? Yes and no.
You see, God does want us to live a holy life, that’s true. But we can be living…Continue Reading
I’m not sure how exactly to start this, but I needed to write another entry today, and so I guess I’ll just jump right into it. Today is a strange day. I was perfectly fine for a while, and now suddenly I’ve become all reflective and stuff. I’m thinking about all sorts of things, and they’re all clogging up my brain like a big wad of toilet paper clogging up a toilet. Excuse the imagery.
I guess the easiest way to start is to do this in chronological order. It all started when Dare You To Move by Switchfoot came on. Earlier I had been grumbling and complaining, and right when that song came on, I started thinking, “Hmm, I guess I need to ask for God’s forgiveness. It’s sin after all.” I was feeling all guilty about it, and then that song just kind of hit me. I hadn’t even been listening to it really, but as soon as it said, “Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell,” I realized what it was talking about. All of this…I don’t know, stuff…just slammed into me like a freight train, and my brain couldn’t process it fast enough. I just sort of sat there for a minute or two, trying to focus.
I then began searching the archives of this blog of mine to look for the time when this happened before. I remember it happening, but I didn’t know when, and so I went to look. As I did so,…Continue Reading
Today has been another day of preparing more resumes to be sent out. I’m still hoping against all hope that Bluenotes will call me back so I can just finish up this whole arduous process of trying to find a job. I’ve been praying that God would help me in this, and I’m really hoping that Bluenotes is the place He wants me to work. Why? Well, because that means I don’t have to send out another 10 or 12 resumes and go through the whole process again. I just want to get a job and be finished with this whole thing.
As I had that mindset last night, I picked up the book that I’ve been reading for the past little while, Spiritual Warfare, and kept reading where I last left off. It was talking about wilderness experiences, where God tests us to produce proven character. One line that the author said really stood out to me, though. It was this: “There is not a moment in time when God is not working in you.” It really hit me like a brick to the head. Too often we can look back on our really hard times or something and tell that God was working in us then, but the truth is that He is always working in us. It’s not just when we’re going through a hard time where we need more patience or strength or something. He’s always pouring in more and more of these qualities and working…Continue Reading
These are a few words that just mean a lot to me right now. I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of Seven Places, but they sure do a good job of encouraging me when I’m down. Everyone screws up, and I know that – but have you ever hurt someone else, and you know you did, and that hurt makes the whole situation ten times worse? It’s not what you did that bothers you, it’s that you hurt that person. That’s what I’m feeling right now. I mess up daily, and God’s the one that still keeps loving me over and over and over, in spite of what I’ve done. But when I sin, it still breaks His heart. And when I look back at just how many times I’ve done that, it hurts so much more. I don’t understand how He doesn’t just give up on me – or anyone, for that matter – but He still loves us all deeply. And that’s the only thing that gives me hope sometimes. So with that introduction, here’s Holes In His Hands by Seven Places:
You said your days were over That the sun would never shine again From glory days, to wicked ways You’ve lost your forgiveness of sin You walk through your desert Wondering why and what you’ve become You said you’ve slipped through the fingers Of the hands of God
You’ve fallen out of His hands Or at least that’s what you said The truth is not…Continue Reading
Well, well, where should I start talking about today? There were quite a few things out of the ordinary. I found out today that people were expecting me to wash dishes again tonight, even though I had never told anyone that I was. They had mentioned it to me, and Jeff and Zeth said they had to check their work schedules, so they would get back to them. I never said anything to anyone, so I don’t think they should have just assumed that I could. Oh well, a simple misunderstanding, I suppose. Anyways, I had to go find Jeff’s phone number as soon as I got home and leave a message saying that I couldn’t go. It came out sounding horrible and abrupt – man, I hate answering machines. I try to say everything I need to as concisely as possible, but it always comes out sounding like I’m angry or nervous or something. I’d much rather write a nice email and get out my thoughts in written form. Oh well.
Today at lunch, Hendrik showed up. He’s back from Germany after being there for almost a year, and I’m sure Lana’s just jumping up and down for joy – or not. He came into the lunch room and Lana just kind of ignored him. His hair is a lot longer, and I was tempted to ask what kind of volumizing conditioner he uses, but I restrained myself. It just looked so…flowing. I doubt that he’d really appreciate me…Continue Reading
Today was a little bit of an up-and-down sort of day. The first half was pretty regular, and then Biology class hit. Mrs. Houtman just read from the textbook for most of the class, and I was honestly pinching myself to try and stay awake. Partway through the class, my allergy medication started to kick into effect, and then I started getting these weird head rushes. Usually that happens if I’m not active at all. Then, either from the medication as well or just because of a lack of sleep, I started getting really tired. My eyes started to close on their own, but I struggled through and kept myself at least half-awake. I tried to keep my mind as active as possible; I started thinking about whether to just stay on the same bus after school and take the extra ten minute walk instead of possibly falling asleep on the bus and missing my stop.
Anyways, Math class rolled around, and Mr. C took us out to William’s for class. It was awesome. He bought us all drinks, and I got an iced cappuchino – it was amazingly good. That really woke me up a lot. So we sat around there for most of the class and just talked for a while; it was pretty fun, definitely one of the best Math classes I’ve ever had, anyway. We got back and waited around for Mr. G to stop teaching; as usual, he pushed it and went five minutes overboard.…Continue Reading