Posts Tagged “females”

My Lesson About Reproductive Systems

Biology was certainly interesting today. Right now we’re in a chapter about the endocrine system, basically the system that releases hormones to trigger certain responses in the body. Today was the day we learned about the reproductive systems, both male and female. Fun.

To start off the class, Mrs. Houtman spent about ten minutes talking about the male reproductive system. She briefly explained the different parts, talked about testosterone and sperm production, and that was it. Then she proceeded to take the rest of the class to explain the female reproductive system. Apparently it took longer to explain because it was more complicated – I had to admit that, since everything to do with females is always more complicated, that she was right, but still, it shouldn’t take five times longer to explain their reproductive system than it took to explain the male reproductive system. It was stupid.

For most of the class, she went into graphic detail about ovulation, the growth of the egg, something about follicles, and then into the menstrual cycle. Then, she talked about the hormones estrogen and progesterone for about five minutes. Now I have a question: why did we go into so much detail about the system when we’re not even talking about the actual reproductive system, but rather the hormones? Answer: feminism, plain and simple.

Now, I’m not faulting Mrs. Houtman, but she is the product of feminism. Almost all females today are. They’ve been brought up in a day and age when,…Continue Reading

Belated Valentine’s

The talk of our school for the next little while is definitely going to be what happened at the end of today. The guys of the school are definitely going to be in the girls’ good books for a while now. Shall I continue? Seeing as I have nothing else to talk about, I think I shall.

About five or ten minutes from the end of the school day, Mr. G stopped his class and asked all the girls to go into the lunch room and sit in the seats provided there. He then went into the other classroom and asked the same of the girls there. All the guys came into the Grade 11-12 classroom, and we put into action the plan we had come up with over a week ago. Mr. G had gone out and bought yellow roses (yellow symbolizes friendship, apparently) – one for each girl there, including one for Mrs. Houtman. He wrote all the names down on paper and we each picked one, with Jonathan and myself having to pick two since Mrs. Houtman was one extra and Bas was sick today. We each got a rose and then waited outside of the lunchroom, in the hallway.

Mr. Gillmore went into the lunch room and told the girls – who apparently were scared because they thought they were in trouble or something – that he was going to call each of their names one by one and the guys were going to come in…Continue Reading

Flirting, Romance, and the Soap Opera of Life

I’m not quite sure what’s going on here. I’m starting to become a chick magnet with the girls. The only problem is that they’re the girls at my school. Why is that a problem, you say? Well, to begin with, there’s not much selection, and to end off, they’re annoying. I mean, I can stand them most of the time, and there’s a couple that are actually…normal. But it’s when they all start flirting with you that you know you have trouble brewing. And usually I’m a strong proponent of flirting. After all, I pretty much do it all the time to every girl I see whether I think she’s hot or not. But the problem is that some of them are horrible at it, and it turns out to be completely obvious.

I suppose the easiest way to talk about this without naming names would be to first explain the purpose of flirting, and the proper technique of doing it. The best way to flirt is the “invisible” technique. This technique is hard to master, but since I’m a chick magnet (ha!) I should show how to properly execute this process. It involves having fun with the person without anyone even knowing it, even without the other person knowing it. Hmm, this is quite hard to explain. Let me show you the wrong way to flirt (this is courtesy of one of the girls in my school – not a specific circumstance, but the whole technique).

The way to…Continue Reading

The Day I Quit Being Hot (Is the Day I Die)

Exams are finally over! Four days of intense craziness and hand cramps are finally over! It may take a week of massages to cure my shoulder strain, but I think I can handle that – as long as the masseuse is an attractive female, of course, but that’s implied.

So anyways, today’s exams were even easier than I expected. Accounting was first up, which I finished in an hour. I then had to wait for half an hour to get out, since we have to be there for an hour and a half of the two hours we have. During that half hour, I started playing around with my graphing calculator, making a picture of a dude with all the funny little symbols and stuff that I could find. Then I slept for about ten minutes.

After lunch came my Calculus exam, which was just as simple. I think I might have screwed up one or two of the questions, but considering Mr. Candler’s an easy marker, I’ll likely get some marks for them anyways. I finished that exam up in about an hour and ten minutes, and was pretty confident with most of my answers. For the rest I gave it my best shot and I knew that staring at it any longer wasn’t going to help. So I set the exam aside and inwardly celebrated that exams were finally over. That exam was the “last kick at the cat” as Mr. Candler so gently put it.

After I…Continue Reading

The Ladies’ Washroom

There’s just one main thing I want to write about for today – I promise. Well, I mean, I might throw something really short at the end to say goodbye for another day, but that won’t be more than a paragraph. I tend to ramble, so I’m going to attempt to control my mouth – er, fingers – today.

Anyways, in my in-depth, detailed studies of the female species, including all that is exterior and interior, both outward and inward, I have noticed something strange. Well, I’ve noticed many strange things, but there just wouldn’t be enough time to go into all that detail. Today I was in class and we had just finished up our Grammar quiz. A few people were still putting the finishing touches on it, but for those that were finished, Mr. G said that we could take a break between classes. So I was sitting in my desk, and one by one all the girls left the room. That was to be expected, of course, since I have already written about the bladder control problems that frequent women. However, after a few minutes, I started to worry. None of them had returned yet. The only people left in the classroom were guys, and surely not even a woman could take 3 or 4 minutes to go to the washroom. So I decided to investigate.

Under the guise that I myself had to go to the washroom, I walked to the men’s room, which is, as…Continue Reading

Fairly Fighting

I know I seem to say this every day, but today was pretty normal. I mean, if the majority of days weren’t normal, then they would actually be considered normal, because they would be the majority. Got that? It’s like calling people “normal,” except everyone is different, so really everyone’s normal. Actually, no one’s normal, technically speaking. In order for someone to be normal, there would have to be at least one other person that was exactly like them in all respects. Since that isn’t even true of identical twins, nobody’s normal. Therefore not being normal is normal. Yay! I love paradoxes. Or is it paradice? No wait – that would be too easily confused with paradise, which is not a bunch of paradoxes. Or is it?

Okay, I’m confusing myself, so I’m going to move right along into Jeff’s Patented Run-Down of the Day (TM). Actually, scratch that. It’s too boring. I swear I have ADD today; I’ve been jumping from topic to topic all day. Actually, I do that a lot, but today it’s just really bad. So anyways, I’m going to skip my run-down and go into something stupid like I usually do.

My goal for this school year (that I just decided) is to pick a fight with someone at my school. Preferably a girl. I mean, I won’t actually hit her, I just want to start a fight with her so I can have a laugh or two. Remember kids, fights are fun, and all…Continue Reading

Bladder Control and the Art of Winning at Losing

Today was a really boring day, so I’m just going to skip over the rundown of the day and get right into some random thoughts I just had a little while ago. There’s sort of a pattern to them, but not really.

As I got home today, I had to go to the washroom quite badly. This simple act which I do at least once a day provided me with a revelation today. I finally figured out the essence of what makes men and women different. I mean, there are many obvious differences, but I believe they all stem off of this one difference – the ability to control one’s bladder.

Now, let me explain a bit about genetics in order to tie this all together. Everyone has a special chromosome that determines their gender at conception. Females have an XX chromosome, whereas males have an XY chromosome. Since these split up in the reproductive cells of a person’s parents, the male determines the gender of the child – because he’s the only one that has the Y chromosome to begin with, he’s the only one that can pass it on to his child. If he passes on his X instead, the child is female.

So what does genetics have to do with bladder control? I propose that the X chromosome has a faulty gene that produces a lack of bladder control, whereas the Y chromosome does not have this. Therefore, men only get a single dose of this gene,…Continue Reading