Bear with me today. I have a whole bunch of random thoughts in my head that I need to write down here. Wait, that’s no different from any other day. But oh well.
First thing up: my pastor used to be a funeral director for a while before he came to our church. With the recent death of a person in my church, the topic of the funeral came up. And of course, the slightly morbid joke came into my head: “Funeral directors are in such high demand. Everyone’s just dying to meet them.” Groan, throw things at me, and then move on. You knew it was coming.
On a completely different topic, I’ve been trying to think of something to write about for my story. I talked about it a while ago somewhere in my mass of blog entries. As of now, I haven’t updated my last story since sometime in November. I just don’t feel any desire to finish it, since it is based on a part of my life that is completely dead to me now. But I do want to start another story. I just have no ideas. It’s kind of strange, actually. I can sit here and write for twenty minutes to half an hour (an hour on a good day) every day, and yet I can’t even get a starting idea for a story. For a long time now, I’ve wanted to write some sort of science fiction story. Of course, the danger there…Continue Reading
Since I’ve been on the topic of surrender, and since nothing useful or important happened at all today, I’ll blog about a poem that I made a while ago, back in April 2004, and totally forgot about now. I was looking on the disk with all my poems for a perfect one that described what I was feeling right now, and I found. It’s kind of strange that I wrote it almost a year ago, and yet even though I’ve gone far astray from God and then back closer to Him once again, I’m still in the same place as before. I’m closer than I was before, and yet I’m still so far away. This choice to surrender is a daily decision that I must keep making, and I wish I could just make a habit of it and be done with the choices. I wish I didn’t have to choose so often, because too many times I make the wrong choice. But, with no further ado, I present “I Surrender,” by me:
I’m sick of trying to figure stuff out,I’m sick of failing again.I just want You to take over my lifeAnd make me new again.
My life has spun out of control,And I try to remedy the problem.But only You can set it back on track,Please fix me up again.
You’re all I want, though I don’t always show it,You’re the only one that can fix my life,I’m just so sick of failing and starting again,I need You…Continue Reading
Nothing happened at all today. Well, okay, lots happened and it was a pretty cool day. I got my name drawn in our little lunchtime prayer group and got prayed for, which was kind of strange, but whatever. I’m glad that we have that group, because it’s not only sharpened my prayer life, but has also helped me grow closer to the people there. It’s also made me more aware of some of the needs that we have in the school, and while I don’t have the greatest memory, I try to pray for them whenever I think of them. And really, I do it right when I think of it so I don’t forget it. Some people prefer to write down requests for later; I would rather just take a few minutes to pray for something that pops into my mind. Not only is it relaxing to pray, since it’s easy to let my life get too busy sometimes, but it also keeps me on my toes, so to speak, and sensitive to what the Holy Spirit brings up. While I’m not sure exactly how biblical this concept is, I’m sure that the Holy Spirit can direct our thought processes to remind us of certain things. I mean, here I am with a horrible memory, and I haven’t missed reading my Bible for one day in about two months now. That’s almost unheard of for me.
But anyways, I’m not sure where that line of thought came from. I…Continue Reading
Okay, Jeff here once again (about like 20 minutes later), just wanting to see if anyone actually reads this thing. I’ve been wanting to know if anyone actually stalks me or something. I don’t really care if I have regular readers, but if I do I’m interested in seeing who they are. So if anyone that reads this could just land a comment this way, that’d be awesome. Who knows? I may just give you a prize or something…but don’t count on it.
I also just wanted to put this post in to remind myself to start a new story. I haven’t worked on the old one for about three months now, and I no longer have any desire to finish it. It’s a horribly emo story, and while I had great intentions for it (bringing a guy out from anti-social behaviour and transforming him into a new person), whenever I write it, it just depresses me. It describes an area of my life that used to apply to me, but is now dead. I don’t wish to bring it up again. So as soon as I get a new idea for the thing, I’m starting fresh. When I do so, of course, I’ll post about it so all you regular readers (if there are any) can catch all the action. Needless to say, the new story will be much more interesting than the old one. Hey, all I can say is that at least I didn’t finish off the…Continue Reading
Open my eyesAnd let me seeThat how things areAren’t how they should be.
Open my mindAnd let me knowThat every moment’sA moment to grow.
This is just a short poem that came to my head today near the end of lunch. I’m not quite sure why, but it did. I’m still trying to figure out the implications of it myself. I’ve been kind of beating myself up a bit lately, because every time I try to do things right, they always end up wrong. God’s basically trying to tell me that it’s alright. I’m a work in progress, and while He would love to see me always do the right thing, He understands that I need His help. I just have to be patient and let myself grow. I need to learn from the mistakes I make today so I don’t make the same ones tomorrow.
I’m the sort of person that looks forward with anticipation to the future. I don’t think I was always this way. I used to be really centred on the past, wishing I could do things over. But that just doesn’t work. And I suppose looking toward the future isn’t the greatest, considering if things go differently than expected, it causes disappointment. But the trick I’m starting to learn is that life, in regard to time anyway, is like a row of 3 pool balls. The first ball in the row is the past. This past is what got us to the second pool ball,…Continue Reading
I’m at a loss for words yet again today. Not much happened, and therefore there’s not much to talk about. Usually when it’s a boring day, my mind tends to wander and so, though it’s hard to talk about the day’s events, it’s easy to talk about one of the topics that flashed through my head during that day. Today, though, was mediocre. I mean, it wasn’t a boring day, because we didn’t have three classes with Mr. G like the other day’s schedule provides. We had Math, Accounting, Biology, and Phys. Ed. Today’s schedule is my favourite – I understand math, and it comes pretty naturally to me, Accounting’s a cinch, Biology is bearable, and Phys. Ed. gets the blood flowing and there’s (usually) lots of activity.
So, while it might be a more interesting day, it means I had less time to think. I mean, I could write about transcribing and translating DNA, or I could talk about the five-journal system of accounting, but that’s no fun (well, I find it fun, but not fun to talk about). Since the day was more active, it meant that I didn’t get a chance to just let my mind wander and think up crazy stuff that normally lays buried in the deep recesses of one’s mind. I think I can officially say that over the past few days, I’ve had writer’s block.
Of course, even with writer’s block, I’m still able to write. I mean, here I am writing about…Continue Reading
I am empty.I am a broken jar,Shattered into pieces.Only a small piece remainsThat fulfills its purpose.Only one small piece holds water.
Is there hope for a broken jar?Is there any peace in knowingThat only pieces remain?The shards lay scattered.The water slowly starts to drip.My soul starts to ebb away.
I have no hope. I have no future.I am a broken jar with no purpose.And yet You come and take those piecesAnd mend them back together.You take the broken, brittle shardsAnd mold them into one whole again.
But I am yet a jar. I am empty.Your vessel is mended, yet void.And yet You take Your Living WaterAnd fill my soul once more.My life is full of purpose once again.My vessel is alive with meaning.
And so with all I have,I will give that purpose back to You.I will use my gifts to love the GiverWho has given me all I am and all I can be.I will, with every breath I take,Praise the One who has given me life.…