I think it’s high time to take a bit of a break from blog posts about religion here. I’ve been meaning to write something about some other topic for a while now, but there just wasn’t anything I could think about. Until now, anyway. I have a bit of a story to tell – it’s not all that interesting, to be honest, but hey, this is my blog. If you think your life is so much more interesting, go start your own blog.
Anyway, a while back I had asked some of my friends if they had anyone they could “set me up” with. I haven’t had too much luck in the girl department in the last…long time. So, I figured that I could probably use the help of my more intuitive female friends to scout out a good match. I figured it couldn’t hurt, anyway. One of my friends mentioned a girl in one of her classes that she thought I might like, but she had asked and found out that the girl wasn’t interested in being set up at the moment. However, she agreed that it would be okay to exchange email addresses and add each other on Facebook, just to get to know each other for a while. So we did that. We talked a little bit, and later we exchanged phone numbers and text messaged each other quite a bit.
Now, the one thing to keep in mind is that my friend suggested her to me based (partly, anyway) on the fact that she was Pentecostal. That made things a bit awkward, since I haven’t really told most of my friends about my loss of faith. (I don’t have a problem with telling them about it, but for now I figured that the best method would be to wait until the topic came up. And so far, it hasn’t.) So that was a point of contact that wasn’t, in fact, there. But that was okay. When the topic came up with her (“So, your friend told me you were a Christian…”), I was honest with her, and she seemed okay with it. So that wasn’t too much of an issue, thankfully.
Unfortunately, I never actually ended up forming any sort of opinion about her. I’ve been talking with her regularly for several months now, and I still am completely unsure what I think about her. She’s certainly a nice girl, and kinda cute as well, but there just never seemed to be anything to really catch my interest. As far as I can tell, a good word to describe her is, “plain.” Nice, yes, but plain. Now I understand that there’s a certain inherent risk in posting this all over the Internet – she could see it, and make the connection to her but…well…if that is the case, please be aware that I didn’t really have a negative opinion of her, either. My opinion just simply never materialized. And that felt really weird. Don’t people normally form a “first impression” of people within about the first five minutes of talking with them? It didn’t make sense to me. Why was I so unsure about her?
I suppose part of it might have been that I really don’t know what I want in a woman anymore. My loss of faith has royally screwed me over in aspects like that. I thought I had a pretty good sense of who I was and what my goals in life were, and then everything got put into a blender and pureed for a good fifteen minutes, leaving a soft, gooey mess. I’ve had to rebuild much of that – my personality is the same, but my outlook on life has changed. So perhaps some of my uncertainty was simply just the fact that I didn’t know what I wanted. I also was a little unsure of whether the difference in religious beliefs would cause an issue. That may have prevented me from forming any sort of opinion until I was “sure” about it – of course, I’m still not sure, so I don’t know.
Anyway, I say all this because today this girl and I went on a date. It’s been my first date in a long time, and so that felt good. So I walked to her residence and met her there, and then we went out for ice cream (which was a topic that we had talked about in the past). Then we went back to her place and watched a couple episodes of Frasier (a show that she really loves, and I mentioned that I wanted to see it), and talked for a little bit. Overall, it was…nice. But to be honest, that was about it. It wasn’t “excellent” or “incredible” – just nice. Things just didn’t seem to be clicking, although I tried to keep the conversation going. But it wasn’t that there was a lack of conversation (other than a couple awkward pauses) – it was more of a general lack of interesting conversation. We talked about our upcoming classes. We talked about the book I am currently reading. We talked about how hot it was outside. So, like I said…nice. But just nothing to make me fall head over heels. Not even anything to lose my footing and stumble a little bit.
Overall, it really just felt like catching up with a friend. And hey, that’s not a bad thing. I had a decent time. But it just didn’t seem like a date. Perhaps it was from talking so much through text conversations first – we knew each other, but we didn’t know each other. So maybe I will not do that sort of thing in the future. Or, perhaps it was me, or perhaps it was her. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a really lousy conversationalist. All I can say is that it seemed completely like visiting a friend and not at all like a date. And that made it a little bit awkward.
Anyway, so with all that said and done, as I left, she asked if I wanted to do this again sometime. I said “sure”, but I probably shouldn’t have. Again, it’s not like she’s not a nice girl or anything. I wouldn’t even mind doing it again. But I don’t want to do a “date” again – at least not that kind of date. So I’m going to have to figure out what I’m going to tell her. I’ll probably just do the “let’s be friends” thing – I’ve heard that speech enough that I can probably pass it off to someone else pretty well. But for me, I mean it. I am always up for having new friends. And that’s completely what it already seemed like anyway. So why ruin a “nice” thing?
So there you have it. That’s the first date I’ve had in a long time, and it didn’t even feel like a date. Oh well. I suppose I just need to keep looking – plenty of fish in the ocean. I just wish I knew what kind of fish I wanted so I could use the right kind of lure…