Archive for August 2009

Day of Awakening

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Well, today’s the big day. It’s officially been one year since my “de-conversion.” I marked this day down in my agenda as the “Day of Awakening” – not that I really mean that in a condescending way, like before I was asleep and now I’m awake, but for me it was a moment of truth-finding. I wanted a name that reflected the change in perspectives. Anyway, I don’t think that I really have anything profound to say here, but I’d like to take a bit of time to reflect and think back on the year that has passed.

I remember very vividly the day that I said my last prayer. I had just been let down yet again at church on Sunday (asking for some sort of sign), and I knew that I simply couldn’t continue on like this. It was too painful, and because I had already essentially come to the realization that I had no intellectual reasons to believe anymore, I was left only with the hope of God showing up in some way to help me out. After that Sunday, I took a couple days to sort it out in my head and figure out what to do. And then, on Tuesday, August 19th, I said my last prayer. I knelt down beside my bed, and told God that I was still open to hearing from him if he ever decided to actually show up. But, I could no longer keep on holding out hope, and I…Continue Reading

Confirmation Bias

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I realized today that August has become a strange month for me. A solemn one. While I was walking to work this morning, I was thinking back to this time a year ago. I was going through some tough stuff, and it was an emotional time for me. By that point, I was pretty sure that my faith had gone down the drain and was never coming back, but I was still desperately trying to hold onto it. I am going to save some of my discussion of this for a later post, because the one-year anniversary of my “last prayer” is coming up soon, but today is the anniversary of something else that I want to talk about.

During this intense period, I was home for a weekend and had the opportunity to go to the youth group at my church back home. I was at the back, by the sound board, before the service started, and I was talking to my friend, John-Marc. He had just come back from vacation or some sort of retreat (I forget where), and was all excited. He told me that while he was away, he had received a word from the Lord – a prophecy of something that was to come soon. As he talked on and on, I sort of nodded my head, while in the back of my mind I was thinking, “It’s kind of unfortunate that I don’t believe this stuff anymore.” Once I got home later that night,…Continue Reading