Relationships, Resolutions, and Railroads

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Over the past few days, I’ve been going over some of my blog posts from the past. It’s part of an on-going project to add tags to all my 4 1/2 years of posts, and it’s taken me quite a while because a) there’s over 570 of them, b) many of them are long and rambling, and c) I get busy with other stuff and put it on the back burner. But I was reading through posts from June 2005 today, which was during a time of intense changes for me. I was graduating from high school, and things were very uncertain for me. As well, I liked a girl, and that always brings its own set of emotions along with it. I suppose reading about it brought back some vivid memories, and brought me into some self-reflection.

It’s something that I haven’t really done in some time. Not to any great extent, anyway. The past year, 2008, was one where I was focusing on my beliefs and my worldview. I didn’t have time to think about my feelings and my character, other than as far as they intersected with my beliefs. I suppose it was a necessary process, but in many ways it just seems like a step back. I was so busy with trying to sort out my beliefs about God and Christianity that I forgot to actually work on making myself a better person in the process. My gradual character development took an abrupt halt.

On top of that, I didn’t think much about females, relationships, etc. during that time. I didn’t want to get into something with a girl and then later tell her, “Oh by the way, my beliefs are completely different now.” I didn’t know how much of an effect that would produce on myself as a whole, either. I didn’t want to turn into a completely different person – that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. But now that that’s settled down a bit, my mind has turned back to women, of course, as I’m a red-blooded male. I’ve been trying to figure out ways that I can meet some new people, and I was almost set up with a girl recently by my friends, though that didn’t end up working out. (Nothing to do with me, as we hadn’t met yet – she just wasn’t looking to get set up with anyone.) It’s been very much a process in itself to try and get my life back on the road again.

But anyway, while reading through some of my posts, I was struck by just how mean some of the things that I wrote sounded. I know I certainly didn’t intend them that way – I’m always a person filled with sarcasm. I guess to a certain extent that type of humour doesn’t translate too well into writing, but even still, I didn’t realize just how blunt I was at some points. My attempts at humour turned into biting remarks that were meant as complete jokes, but may not have come across that way. It sort of frightened me – is this what I sound like to others who don’t know what I’m thinking? Perhaps, or perhaps not, but either way it’s something I’d like to change. First on my mental list of things to improve is this: be more complimentary. I still love sarcasm – I likely always will – but I suppose it needs to be mixed with plenty of honest compliments as well. Sometimes I forget that, while I always know that I’m joking about things, others may not get the impression. And who wants to hang around a person who is always putting them down, even if all in good fun? Yes, my life could use a healthy dose of compliments spewed in an outward direction.

Another thing I noticed is how self-centred I’ve gotten as of late. Again, the process of reformulating my beliefs is most certainly to blame for this one. It’s been such a time of inward focus and just trying to stay afloat that I’ve forgotten that there are other people on the planet. Fancy that! Recently I’ve gotten into a habit of only doing things that I want to do – which in itself is not a bad thing, except that I need to do things that others want me to do as well. Sometimes I need to put up with a thing I don’t like to make my friends or family happy. Item #2 on the list: Focus on others. Because that’s really what it’s all about on this earth, now, isn’t it? A world full of selfish people quickly turns nasty. It’s when we pull together and look out for each other – whether those next door to us or those on the other side of the globe – that great things are accomplished.

I suppose it’s a bit too late to retroactively declare my New Year’s resolution. I think that deadline passes by the end of February at the latest. But perhaps I can simply put these items into my ongoing personal improvement regimen. It’s really not a set thing – I just made it up right now – but it’s something that I need to keep in the back of my mind. In general, I guess I just need to get back out into the real world after spending so long tucked away trying to figure out my own little world. And that may take some work. It’s comfortable here, forgetting the outside world exists. I’ve been happy to curl up with a good book or watch a movie night after night, rather than interacting with other people. Social skills? Who needs them? Well, perhaps mine could use a little work after letting them atrophy. So there you have it. What I’ve said is not mind-blowing, nor is it rocket science, but I think it’s the next step I need to take to get my life back on track. I made an unscheduled stop that de-railed me for quite some time, but I have stations to stop at and people to pick up and a schedule to follow…okay I’m taking the train analogy too far now. At least I don’t have any cargo to haul.

9 responses to “Relationships, Resolutions, and Railroads”

feeno

Jeff

Hello Cori-Beth, looks like I beat you to the punch.

I know the perfect girl is out there for you, problem is when you find her we wont get any more Disjointed Thinking?

Sometimes we can be our own worse critics. And that is probably the case here? But It takes a big person to evaluate him/herself and try to be better.

Item #2 on your list: “Focus on others, Because that’s what life is all about on this earth now,isn’t it?”– Yes sir it is, and it reminds me of a sermon I once heard (go figure) but I remember the preacher saying that the only thing we will leave this Earth with is relationships.

Keep up the good work. feeno

Jeff

Lol I think there will still be plenty of Disjointed Thinking even after I find someone to level me out a little bit. There’s only so much levelling that a person can do 😛

But yeah, most times we see more of our own faults than others do. Still, that can be a good thing as long as you focus on self-improvement rather than self-criticism. I try to keep it in perspective that way 🙂 Thanks for the comments, as always!

Cori-Beth

What are you talking about feeno? I haven’t posted to this blog entry until now???

I’m not going to post anything about relationships as I don’t have too much experience in that area, at least with guys. I think you however hit the nail on the head with wanting to better yourself and evaluating yourself. I do that all the time. I get the cutting sarcasm. I’m the same way with focusing on myself more than others. It’s hard to put others first at times.

Thank you for your blog entry. I needed it for reaffirmation of things I have been thinking about myself lately!

Corinne

PS I sweet, intelligent, not to mention down right adorable guy like you deserves a woman that is the same, but not annoyingly so! That would be just, well, annoying and boring! (-: Do you have any guy friends my age for me??? (-; CC

Cori-Beth

Oh, boy! I’m out of it! Ignore my first paragraph of the last post. I was just anxious to post to one of my favourite cousins blog entries!

Also, I meant to put “A” instead of “I” in the PS and of course I also deleted at comment that had a typo in it! What is wrong with me today??? LOL

feeno

Cori-Beth

I just meant I commented before you did. For whatever that’s worth?

Jeff,

Sorry to use your site to talk with your cousin, but jeez dude have you seen her site? Theres all kind of girly stuff over there, and pink jumping off the screen at me, and shoes, and like 10 different places to leave a message. To confusing for me.

Good night, hope you do/did well on your exams. feeno

Jeff

Hi Corinne,

Well, glad my blog post could help 🙂 And thanks for the kind words! I don’t think I really know a whole lot of guys your age, but if I come across a nice one for you, I’ll be sure to let you know 😀

And feeno,

Oh I know, it’s quite scary! We men need things to be much more simple…and preferably with less pink 😛

feeno

What is up?

John’s site is a bit boring right now. I mean as great as Seinfeld is, what makes it great is soup nazi, puddy, baboo, lloyd braun and jackie chiles etc. And I do enjoy talking to John now and then, But I will miss my encounters with the likes of Gandolph and Harry and all the other cast of characters. Have you ever read anything from Strangebrew? That dude is funny. Even when he blasts Christianity it is always entertaining.

I did link over to Nate Phelps’ story and left a message there. Check it out if you got the time.

Been looking forward to your next Post. Talk to ya soon.

feeno

Jeff

Hey feeno,

Yeah, I know what you mean. I enjoy reading John’s articles, but it’s definitely much better being able to add in my comments and see what others have to say about it. I suppose it’s understandable, though – they want to be able to answer the questions they get about what they wrote, and they seem not to be able to do that. Still, I hope that John decides to turn comments on again at some point…

Well, I just headed over and read the speech by Nate Phelps – wow. All I can say is wow. I think Fred needs to be locked up for a very long time for the things that he has said and done. It’s tragic the horrible things some children are subjected to – and I’m glad that Nate was able to get out and live life on his own. So I agree with your comment – and regardless of whether he left his faith as well, I think it’s a good thing that he at least left his home.

Anyway I’m a little busy at the moment, I’m in between school and work terms so I’ve got too many things to do to get prepared, and then I’m moving to a new place as well so I’ve been busy packing up and preparing to move. So I’ll get to another post eventually, but it might not be for a little while! Hopefully you can find something to occupy your time for now 😀

Thanks for the comment as always, and have a good one!

Jeff

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