Over the past few days, I’ve been going through my past blog posts and adding “tags” to them. Tags are a good way to categorize entries in order to help people find specific posts more quickly. But the real reason I actually am taking the time to do this is basically just to read my old posts. It’s a way of seeing where the past three and a half years have taken me. It’s been an interesting process so far, although I’ve only made it to February 2005 (five months in). It’s quite a long process considering that for the first year, I blogged almost every day without fail. So, there’s a lot of stuff to read.
As I said, though, it’s been interesting to see just how things are different now from back then. In a lot of ways, I’ve changed – I’ve grown older, I’ve grown more mature (surprisingly!), and I’ve grown more independent. But in many ways, I’m still the same. I still struggle with many of the same issues. I still find myself agreeing with some things that I say – although not everything. It’s strange how much of a circular process life is – just one repetition after another, but hopefully with a little more success each time.
This blog truly shows the full range of human emotions – especially during the first few months. One post is all depressing or at least reflective, then the next is happy and fun-loving and totally ridiculous. In one post I feel excited to be alive, and in the next post I feel guilty and ashamed. But one thing has always stuck with me throughout the whole time. One thing that I know is that I am a sharp, intellectual person who is always, above all, searching for truth. I don’t mean that in a conceited way, but I do know that I am quite intelligent, especially when it comes to academics. That has led to curiosity, and I know that it is that curiosity that has driven my search for the truth.
We all search for truth in some fashion or another. Some people drift through life aimlessly, but manage to bump into what they think is truth, so they hold onto it. Others actively seek to find truth, through philosophical, scientific, theological, or any other means, and when they find it, generally they express no hesitation in trying to show others. To them, finding truth is an exciting event, and that enthusiasm spills over into a desire to tell others what they believe to be true.
I know that, during the short three and a half years that I have recorded in the blog, the recurring, underlying theme is the search for truth. It’s not readily apparent without reading it with the knowledge of the thoughts behind it (like I can, since I wrote it), but it is there, nonetheless. And that drive to find truth has thrown me from one end of the spectrum all the way to the other, and to all points in between. I must investigate, and though I cannot say that the search is complete, the investigation must continue, or I may as well end my life now. For me, to live without truth – or at least searching for it – is not living at all. It is merely existing. And while I believe that my capacity to investigate has grown over time from even three years ago, certainly I am not yet at the peak. Or at least, it doesn’t feel like I am. Maybe at some point, I will be able to look back on this post and realize that this point was just the beginning of a long process. Or maybe this point will mean that the conclusion is approaching. But right here is where I am right now, and all I know is that I must move forward. So move forward I will – but of course, I’ll make sure to take a look back once in a while to measure my progress. So, on I shall continue with reading my blog – all 555 posts of it. Wow. You know, for not having much to say, I sure do talk a lot…