Well, it’s been a while, but here I am once again. Things have been up and down lately. It’ll get really busy for a few days, and then suddenly things will die down. Right now, I’ve pretty much finished everything I need to do for the rest of the term except for a couple upcoming tests. All that’s left are final exams, and I only have three of those, so it shouldn’t be too bad.
To tell you the truth, I don’t really know what I came here to write about. I mean, usually I at least have sort of an idea of something, but not this time. I must warn you, then, that this will likely be a long post. I have a million things I could talk about, but whether I actually want to divulge all of them is something I’m still thinking about. But let’s start with the one that seems to be bugging me the most: my mood.
There are some days where I feel like a girl. Now, when I say that, please don’t take me literally. But, sometimes I just get into a strange mood, and I don’t know why. These past few days, I’ve been in one of those strange moods. It’s not a bad mood per se, but it’s kind of a withdrawal. Now, I understand that sometimes that’s just natural; we all go through cycles of mood changes in our lives. But sometimes I really wish I knew why. There have been some days when my friends have wanted me to go somewhere with them, and I just wanted to tell them that no, I wasn’t in the mood for it. I’ve been trying not to do that; so far, I’ve managed to just go with them anyways and try to cheer myself up in the process. But I don’t know. I just don’t feel like hanging out, and I don’t feel like talking to people. I just want to stay in my room and be bored by myself. Why I would ever want to be bored is beyond me. I guess it’s not that so much as wanting to be alone. Maybe the residence life is starting to get to me. It’s almost a mild form of cabin fever sometimes – it’s almost impossible to get away somewhere and escape the noise. I’ve been getting more frustrated at my roommate lately, too. It’s not that he’s changed what he’s doing or anything; it’s definitely me. Like, right now, my roommate is still asleep, and it’s 2:45 in the afternoon. Of course, it’s also the weekend, but still – I was up until 3:30 AM, and I still woke up by 1:00 PM. Besides, it was him and his friends that kept me awake, because they were watching a comedian on his laptop in our room.
Yep, I’m definitely going crazy. The past few days, I’ve just been getting more and more frustrated with his sleeping patterns. He doesn’t have any early classes, and I have classes at 9:30 AM, so I am always up before he is. I think there’s only been maybe two days this year where that hasn’t been the case. But when I just want to sit in my room and do whatever on the computer, and I can’t because he’s still asleep at 1:00 PM, I start to get frustrated. I pack up my laptop and move to the lounge. That’s where I am right now. But I’ve done that many times during the year, and it’s never really bothered me before. And then, suddenly now, I can’t stand it. I want to wake him up, and yet at the same time, I’m thinking, “Why do I really care anyways? If he wants to sleep, then let him sleep.” I don’t know. Maybe it’s the cabin fever thing. Maybe it’s seasonal affective disorder – we learned about it in psychology class; it’s the tendency for people to get more depressed in and around the winter months.
That reminds me. Yesterday it was snowing. The past few days have been really cold. It’s not so much the cold, but the wind. And I’m not looking forward to this winter. It’s going to be cold, and it’s not going to be fun. But maybe that’s just my semi-depressed mood talking. I don’t know. All I can say is that, above all, I really just want this term to be over. I want to go home. Not necessarily because it’s “home,” but more because it’s not residence. It means that I don’t have to think about school, and I don’t have to do anything except watch movies and play computer games if I don’t want to. Of course, I’m going to be working back at Cineplex over the holidays, but whatever. That will at least keep me a bit busier. At least there are no assignments to do for work; there aren’t any tests or essays to write, and it’s not always the same boring thing day after day. The monotony of my classes is getting to me. It’s a good thing I only have two days of classes left. Otherwise, I might be going more crazy than I already am.
There’s one other thing that’s been bugging me lately. I’m really not sure whether it’s been causing my bad mood, or whether my bad mood has been causing it. However, I’m kind of mad at myself for not sticking with my devotions since I’ve been here. I’ve tried and tried, but it’s just so hard to find a quiet place to just sit and read and concentrate. I hate it. I haven’t read my Bible in like a week now, and I want to. It’s not even that I’m putting it off; it’s just that for one thing, I forget, and then when I do remember, there’s never a way to do it. The noise is just intolerable. I’m used to my house, where I used to have it to myself for at least an hour every day after I got home from school. That was the perfect time. The only noises came from outside, with the cars driving by. Minimal noise, really. But here, there is always music playing. Always. And since my roommate sleeps in for the whole day, it seems, it cuts down on my options. Maybe things will be better next term. Perhaps some of his classes will be earlier, so that my routine can be a bit more normal instead of having to sneak around my own room. I don’t know. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. I just have no idea.
Anyways, I guess I’ve reached a catharsis now; I’ve spilled out everything I needed to say. I guess there’s still more that I could say, but not anything that anyone really wants to hear anyways. But yeah, I’ll make sure to keep you updated on my Christmas experience, since I might be able to find some quiet time to blog once in a while. Maybe. We’ll see how things go, and perhaps things will get better. If not, well, you might be reading a bunch more of this type of post.