Floury Follies

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Oh boy, it’s almost been a week since I’ve done my little blogging thing-a-ma-jig. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I’ve done much other than work, eat, and sleep. But don’t worry – I remedied that last night. Yesterday was quite the day, and so it only seems fitting for me to cure my lack of posts by giving you the best story ever.

To start off, the day went quite normally. I worked (of course) from 11:15-4:45, and then when I got home, I was quite tired and slightly irritable. You know how it is – you’re not actually grumpy, and inside your mind, you’re saying nice things, but then your tongue, and indeed your whole face for that matter, are on autopilot, and they just say what they want to say. Anyways, today wasn’t too bad, but when I got home, I didn’t feel like doing much of anything. At the same time, though, I wanted to do something, just because it was the weekend – and who sits at home alone on a Friday night? Wait. On second thought, don’t answer that. I don’t want a bunch of fingers pointing in my direction.

Anyways, eventually, Jordan and I got talking on MSN, and we decided to do something. And by “do something,” I mean, “pull a prank on someone.” Eventually by like 8:45 PM or so, Jordan picked me up, with Geoff already in the car, and then we went and picked up Jon as well. Then we went to Zehrs to see what we could find that would be of pranking quality. Our original intent was to saran-wrap someone’s car. We wandered around the store and found the saran wrap, but then started getting preoccupied with doing something a little more messy. Ketchup was suggested, along with barbecue sauce, and a whole slew of other things. But I’ll spare you the details. Eventually, after probably about half an hour to an hour of wandering around the store, we walked out with a bag of flour – after paying, of course. Let the pranking begin!

Well, not quite. The next task on the list was to get some sort of water supply. We headed back to Jordan’s house and filled up a couple watering cans – you know, the plastic kind with the little spout on the end that sprays the water everywhere oh so nicely. We filled up two of those, and then Geoff and I sat in the back with them on the floor in between our legs. Jordan made sure to take the turns quickly and then stop suddenly, so that by the time we actually got out, my foot was soaked. Thanks a lot. But anyways, we had to figure out whose car to do. Putting our heads together, we couldn’t really think of too many people with cars – doing someone’s car that is actually owned by their parents is kind of dangerous. But eventually, we decided on Jeff Bellhouse. We drove by his house, and to the horror of all horrors, we discovered that he wasn’t home. Apparently he has a life on Friday nights, too. So we had to figure out someone else. We drove by Kyle’s house, but Justine’s car was in the driveway, and she was in the car as well. That’s not really a good idea – to prank someone’s car while they’re inside it.

So we drove. And we drove. I made a suggestion that we should do my stalker’s car. You see, there’s this girl that goes to (or went to, I guess I should say) North Park, and one day she added me on Myspace, saying “Hey, we go to the same school and I think I’ve seen you getting on the bus near my house so we live really close to each other!” Freaky. I looked at the pictures she had up – and didn’t recognize her at all. Of all my travels through the hallways of North Park, you’d think I’d have at least seen her once. But no. The only time I saw her was once, when I was parked in the parking lot about to leave. She had told me that she had a red Toyota Echo, and so as I walked out to my car, I saw this red Echo sitting there, with Winnie the Pooh headrests and everything. The whole picture disgusted me. First of all, it’s a Toyota Echo. Besides perhaps the PT Cruiser and the Honda Element, I don’t think there are many uglier cars than the Echo. It looks like a mouse – or maybe a hunchback. It’s like Toyota took a normal car, put one hand on the front bumper and one hand on the back bumper, and then squished it. And I’m not dissing Toyota, because we have a Corolla, and I like it. But the Echo is definitely the smudge on their name.

Anyways, so I decided right then and there in that parking lot that I didn’t like this person – just based on the kind of car that they would ever choose to purchase. And it was that same disgust for this car that made me suggest it for a prank. We were in the area, and we didn’t have any other suggestions, so off we went to Viscount Rd. to look for a red Echo parked somewhere. We didn’t have much luck. There were plenty of red cars, and even a red Toyota Tercel and a new red Toyota Yaris (I think it was a Yaris, anyway). But no dice. Apparently even my stalker has a life on Friday nights. Man, what’s with these people? Who goes out on a Friday night? Then again, maybe she was in my backyard with a telescope or something. I should have checked for the Echo parked around my house somewhere.

So anyways, dejected, we continued on our search for someone’s car to do. Eventually I suggested Michelle’s car. She, or her sister, or her parents, or someone in her family owns a silver Ford Focus. We drove over to her house to see if maybe, perhaps she was home, but even she was gone. By this time, we were frustrated. We drove to Mac’s and picked up some Frosters and sat in the parking lot to think. After coming up with nothing, we started driving around again. By this point, were just going to do it to some random car just to get rid of the supplies we had bought. I mean, the only other option we had was to go back to Jordan’s house and bake cookies or something. That suggestion was made, too. But who goes out pranking and then ends up not doing anything? It just seemed such a waste of time and effort. And oh, how much time we had spent on this endeavour. About an hour in Zehrs, plus about two hours of driving around. It was about 11:30 PM by this point, and we were just driving around on random streets. Finally, Jordan said, “Okay, I’m turning onto this street, and we’re doing a car on this street.” The street he turned onto was the street that our aunt and uncle used to live on. And there, in front of their old house, we found the perfect target.

Yes, in front of the house stood a red Geo Metro – or perhaps a Suzuki Swift. They look pretty much exactly the same. There she was, in all her glory, the most amazing car known to man – the hatchback, powered by a lawnmower engine and a few good swift kicks. Rick Carroll used to have a nice little Geo. He used to tell stories about how with he and a few friends in the car, he couldn’t even get up the West St. hill. Yes, this was the target, and we had to strike quickly, because by this time my foot was getting cold from being so wet. We parked across the street, and then quietly made our way over to it with two watering cans and a bag of flour. First we poured water all over it. Jon and Jordan said it looked like we were pouring gasoline on it. I kind of wish that was what we were doing – it would be so much cooler. But anyways, we poured water all over it, and then they opened up the bag of flour and started pouring. We put the whole bag on the car, left the bag on their windshield, and then signed our initials in the flour on the hood of their car. It was a perfect execution. All the lights in the houses on the street were off, and there was no vantage point to see the driveway from their house. We ran back to our car and laughed hysterically as we drove off.

So that was the fruit of our labour. Three hours of time spent on this, and we floured some random person’s car. I mean, just the thought of it is completely ridiculous. Toilet paper, maybe. Saran wrap, sure. But who flours someone’s car? It was amazing. It was astounding. And most importantly, it was hilarious. I’m definitely going to have to try that again sometime. The good part about it is that although it’s kind of a pain, like toilet paper or saran wrap, it will come off easily without ruining their car. They can just take out their garden hose and spray all the flour off. The only downside is that, perhaps some day when the car is struggling to drive up a hill, the engine will cough and splutter, and then Foosh! out will come a huge cloud of white powder. The car will disappear into the floury cloud like a tank into a smokescreen. Only with slightly less engine power.

Anyways, with that done, we dropped Geoff off at his house and then went back to Jon’s house. There we watched videos and TV and stuff while Jon talked to a girl on MSN who’s emotionally obsessed with him. It was pretty funny, and pathetic at the same time. She was talking about how she hadn’t eaten in two days because she was too fat for him, and then kept fishing for some sort of compliment or sympathy from him. The worst part was her spelling. There were several times where we had to literally sit there and try to decipher what she was saying. She said something that suggested that she had made a schedule, but she definitely said, “There I made up a sckelaly…” or something like that. I can’t remember the exact spelling, but it didn’t look like any known word. I’m not entirely sure that English was her first language. It might have been her third or fourth, when she’s only bilingual. Her spelling was terrible. Horrible. Despicable. That fact alone should have clued her into the fact of why he doesn’t like her. She mentioned how she was reading stuff on the internet about rape stories, only she said they were “rip stories.” We thought she was talking about stories about dying, like R.I.P. stories or something. Then when Jon said, “Rip?” she corrected herself and spelled it “rapp.” Like honestly. Don’t you think that perhaps in a horror story about rape, that they might actually say the word “rape,” so that she would know how to spell it? She was completely clueless. Or should I say clewlss?

But whatever. Jordan and I stayed there until about 4:15 AM, and then he dropped me off at home and went home himself. I woke up today at about 11:45 AM – a good seven and a half hours of sleep. That’s about my limit nowadays. Even on the days when I can sleep in as long as I want, I still wake up at about 9:45 AM. It’s pathetic. But oh well. At least I get some sleep. That’s always good. But anyways, I think that’s all for today. I don’t have much else to say. I was tempted to get up at like 6:00 AM today, then take the car and park across the street from the floured Geo, and just wait to see the person’s reaction when they saw it. The problem with that, though, is that some people don’t even leave their house on Saturdays. They might not even notice it until Monday, for all I know. Heck, they could be seniors that never leave their house, for all I know. After all, it’s not like the Geo is going to get them anywhere. They’d have better luck just riding a lawnmower around town. There, now that’s something I’d like to see.

2 responses to “Floury Follies”

Big Ear Creations

Dude… a Geo Metro reference! NICE! Me, Rick and Sam used to drive that thing when we would host Nite Lite years ago. Coming up the Hamilton Mountain at 5:30am, we would barely hit 50kmh. It was hilarious!

Jeff

Haha yessss…I rode around in that thing a couple of times. Never felt very safe though. But oh yeah, I loved it when you guys hosted Nite Lite. Jordan and I actually were watching that a little bit on Friday night (or Saturday morning, to be exact) – mostly to see if there would be any crazy guys calling in. Unfortunately, though, it wasn’t very exciting. My sister taped one of the shows, I think the last one you did or something. And some guy called in talking about what heaven would be like, and how everyone would live on a farm by a lake, but the farms would be on fire and stuff. It was freakin’ hilarious! Good ol’ crazy/drunk guys…keeping the world interesting.

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