The Amazing Race (and Jurassic Pork Too!)

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Oh, where to begin when talking about yesterday? There’s just too much to discuss – but since a lot of it is either repetitive or boring, I’ll skip some parts and just fill you all in on the important details. To summarize briefly, yesterday was the Amazing Race event put on by Central and made by Kristin, Michelle, Bethany, Melissa, and possibly others. And overall, it was a very fun day – and yet very tiring at the same time.

I won’t get into all the little details about the day, but I’ll give a general outline of what happened. Everyone met at the church and found out who was on our team and such. I was on a team with Cody (Kristy’s brother) and Kyle (Steph’s brother). Eventually, once everyone got there, we were on our way, receiving our first clue and heading out. The first place to go was Fast Eddie’s, and so it was a mad rush to the little burger joint. People started out running, but most didn’t make it very far. Our team ran almost the whole way, though, and still ended up getting there fourth or fifth. Anyways, the lady working there must have been completely dazed and confused, because suddenly a huge rush of kids ran up and ordered Banana Cream Pie milkshakes – that was our first task. We had to order it and choose one person to drink the entire thing. Kyle was up for the task, and he gulped it down as quickly as possible, only choking a few times from the crumbs on top and the brain freeze. Then it was off to the Lynden Park Mall.

We received the next clue outside of Winner’s, but then were at a loss. The clue mentioned President’s Choice food (which isn’t sold at Food Basics in the mall – we checked), but also mentioned that if we were in sight of Tim Horton’s, we were going in the wrong direction. That left Zehrs, but the closest one was clearly in view of a Tim Horton’s. We stumbled around the mall for a little bit looking for President’s Choice vending machines, hoping that it wasn’t going to be what we thought it might be. After finding nothing to suit our needs, we determined that yes, they were asking us to get to the Zehrs at the Brantford Mall. Luckily, we found Kyle’s mom, who gave us and Steph’s group a ride there so we didn’t have to walk the entire way. After that, there was a basketball shootout challenge at Brier Park, and then we had to go to Kristin’s house for a pit stop. We had to wait there for 10 minutes, but there was plenty of food and bottles of water on the table for the wait. After that time, Kristin’s mom gave us the next clue, and to Wal-mart we went. The clue we received there was a little confusing. It mentioned about home improvements next door, and then the perfect place for a bookworm. I knew there was a bookstore inside the Brantford Mall, but I didn’t know what was beside it, so we went in to look – but no leader was there. We were stumped for a while until we went to ask Bethany (back at Zehrs). She reminded us that there were other places to get books besides bookstores, and so we figured it was the library. Since it was all in the north end of Brantford, though, we had to go to the St. Paul branch. We got a ride from Leslie (the girlfriend of Cody’s dad), and then faced yet another challenge.

Inside the library, one of us had to go find a book of quotations. It had a specific edition number written down, and then a page number to read the first sentence from. Unfortunately, the librarian couldn’t find the book. There had been people in before us, but I suppose that they likely hid or “misplaced” the book when putting it back. Luckily, Jeff was there, and he found a different edition of it. The leaders accepted that, and so we were on our way. Our next task was either to go to the nearby cemetery and find a certain person’s birth and death date, or to go up to three random people and sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to them – getting them to sign the back of the clue sheet to say that we had done it. We opted for the second choice, and got to work. And I must say, people in Brantford have lost their sense of humour. We had to ask about five or six people before getting all our signatures. I think people just didn’t want to sign the sheet, but whatever. They were just really rude, when it’s just a stupid song. All they have to do is listen and then sign a sheet – but no, they’re too busy doing nothing. Anyways, after that, it was off to KFC and then our next clue – which led us to Len’s Mill, right by Value Village.

Faced with no way of getting a ride, we had to walk all the way there. It was so tiring, even though we tried to take shortcuts as much as possible. There we had to find one of three types of fabric, purchase one metre of it, and then show it to the leader outside. Fortunately, Sarah from another team was already in there and getting it cut, so I asked for the same thing. She got to the checkout line before me, but then she decided to switch lines since it was shorter. I stayed in the line I was in, and it turned out that mine went much more quickly, because Sarah had a person in her line that took a really long time. I was laughing so much, just because I went in after her and got out before her. Anyways, after that, the last clue led us to Braemar House – basically back the way we came. That was frustrating, since we had just walked all that way and knew how long it was. We finally got there, and ended up in seventh place out of twelve teams. That’s not too bad, and was basically right where I expected us to be, since we had to walk for the last two clues. Most other people had rides and such, so I expected we’d get further back than we had been before KFC.

Anyways, after everyone got to Braemar House, we went back to the church and had pizza and played games and such. I basically just sat there and did nothing, because I was so tired. Kristy told me to come to her house afterward, because people were coming over, so I said I would, and eventually we left for that. I drove Kristy and Erica, and that’s all the people that were there at first. When we got there, though, I was still tired, and so when the girls were suggesting stuff to do, I told them that I was going to have to be more awake to do anything. So we went and got coffee from Tim Horton’s. Jeff got there eventually, and then Michelle, Kristin, Melissa, and Holly came as well. We played some Balderdash, and then watched the strangest movie of all time – Miss Cast Away. It makes fun of so many movies, and because there’s just so much thrown in, it makes absolutely no sense. Basically, an airplane full of beauty pageant girls crashes on a deserted island, and then there’s a plot by an alien race of apes to sail Noah’s Ark once again and create the perfect storm to wipe out humanity and conquer them without a fight. There’s also a giant prehistoric pig, Jurassic Pork, and Michael Jackson (or Agent M.J.) makes a guest appearance as well. It sounds stupid, and it completely is, but it’s so hilarious that it’s worth it. After the movie, Kristin mentioned how she realized that it was an hour of her life that she could never get back, and then I reminded her that Daylight Savings Time was ending that night, so she could get that hour back. It was quite a good line, if I do say so myself.

Anyways, eventually I went home and found out that Taylor had called and left a message saying that he found out he had a hockey game, and so he couldn’t take my shift. So I ended up having to work tonight, but whatever. The worst part was having to tell Kyle this morning that I couldn’t come to youth tonight. But what could I do? So I shrug my shoulders and move on. Anyways, my sleep last night was an extra hour longer, and yet it felt like three hours shorter. I was just so tired, and it just didn’t cut it. I’ve decided to never have that sleep again – which is good, since I can’t have that exact sleep ever again anyways. But I think I’m starting to ramble on about nothing, so I probably should stop writing before I spew mouthfuls of perplexing, convoluted jargon words. Oh wait. Too late.

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