Forgetfulness, Feelings, and Friends

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Today was a lot better of a day than yesterday. It still wasn’t amazing, but at least I didn’t feel as horrible as I did the day before. I took the bus half an hour earlier than I needed to this morning so that I could do a couple things I needed to. One thing I wanted to do was to buy an agenda from the main office. I think they handled that in each homeroom class yesterday, but since I don’t have a homeroom, I didn’t have the chance to get one. I sort of need one considering my amazing ability to forget everything I’m supposed to remember, and remember all the stuff I didn’t even need to know. I figured that an agenda would be nice, because that allows me to at least have everything written down – so instead of forgetting what I need to remember, I can just forget to look in the agenda. It’s a lot less of a guilt trip when I find out that I forgot.

Anyways, I went to the main office and asked the lady about agendas. She wrote down my name on a piece of paper, and told me to come back tomorrow to pick it up. That was fine. The other thing I had to do was to get a course dropped from my timetable for the second semester – it’s not urgent, of course, but I figure the sooner I do it, the better. I walked down the hallway to the guidance office, and poked my head in the door. That’s when I saw the six or seven other people sitting and waiting. I decided that it could wait – I didn’t want to have to sit and wait for that long just to get a course dropped, a course that I won’t even be dealing with for another four or five months anyway. So with those things done, I went back to the main office and asked the same lady where the library was. I figured I might as well not just sit in a hallway somewhere and be bored – sitting on chairs and being bored is much better. She showed me where it was, and I went back to my locker, grabbed my Chemistry binder, and then headed up the nearest set of stairs. I found it without too much trouble, went in and sat down at a table, and acted busy. I basically just checked over the answers to my Chemistry homework – it was all about converting from decimal to scientific notation, and since it was so easy, I knew the answers were right, but I checked them anyway. It was more for something to do than anything else, but whatever. I killed off the remaining time, and then went downstairs for my Chemistry class.

It should be said at this point that something really odd happened. On the bus ride to school, there was another girl sitting further to the front of the bus than I was. She ended up getting off at the stop by North Park, so I figured that she went there. Anyways, as I went down to my locker to get my stuff for class, I saw her standing right next to my locker. It turns out that her locker is two down from mine. It was just strange – I mean, it wasn’t creepy to the point of “oh-my-goodness, I-think-she’s-stalking-me” sort of thing, but it was still just odd. I opened my locker, then looked up with a confused sort of expression on my face and asked, “Were you on the same bus as me this morning?” Of course, I already knew the answer was yes, but asking a question is a lot easier than saying, “You were on my bus this morning.” That doesn’t encourage a response. Anyway, she thought it was just as strange as I did, so I concluded that it was just a coincidence, and she wasn’t part of a top-secret government agency tracking my every move.

So anyways, Chemistry class happened, and we had a little “fun activity” thing that involved group-work. Man, I hate group-work. Anyways, she said we needed to get into groups of two or three, and I quickly surveyed the room and picked out the guy that looked the most lonely. There were a couple guys sitting by themselves at desks with two seats, so I went up to one and just said, “Hey, do you want to be in a group?” That was about it. The other guy joined with another group, so it was just the two of us – Paul and I, as I found out his name was later. The activity thing was basically a sheet of paper with a bunch of trick questions on it. The point, of course, was to get as many right answers as possible. I had heard a lot of them before, though, so we got it almost perfect, only getting one or two wrong. We ended up tying for first out of all the groups, and the winners got chocolate bars – those little mini ones that take about five seconds to eat. To tell the truth, I was more pleased that I made acquaintences with someone in the class than I was pleased that we won.

Lunch came next, and this time I got to sit at the “cool table.” It’s not really a cool table in any respect, except that it was one of the ones up on the little platform. I didn’t see Angelie around anywhere, so I came up to Amy and told her to squish over. I sort of know her, so she made room between her and Danielle. I later saw Kim, and she came over and gave me a big hug. We talked for a few minutes, then she went to eat. Jon came by a minute or so later, and of all things, he showed me the book list that he and I had exchanged way back when we were little. I had written down all my favourite books, and he had written down his. Then we exchanged them and read each others’ books. I saw my wonderful writing job – written soon after I learned to write in cursive – and read over some of the titles of my favourite books at the time. Ahh, the memories. Anyways, I was pretty impressed that he still had it. Apparently he had just found it that morning as he was going through some of his old books. The strange thing is that I think I saw his list somewhere in amongst my old books about a month ago. It’s pretty funny to find stuff like that. The memories flood back as you relive your childhood over again. Jon and I had some pretty fun times when we were little – as well as now that we’re older, too.

Anyways, eventually Angelie came around, and I went with her to “Room 117” – it’s actually a little indentation in the wall where there should be a door but isn’t. Basically, it was just a whole bunch of people sitting down against the wall and talking. I stayed there for a while and just listened, not really including myself too much. I mean, friends are friends, I suppose, and I need to find some good ones. But I don’t think I really “click” with these people. Angelie’s friends with them, and that’s fine, but I dont’ think they’re really my type of people. I suppose I may end up hanging out with them some more, but what I really need to find are some people that I can really get along with. It’s just not going to work hanging out with my friends’ friends – unless those are the type of the people I “click” with. Anyways, I went up to my Geometry class a bit early, just because I figured I might get lost or something. I made sure to ask Angelie about where the stairs were – and this time I found the right set of stairs that were next to my class. When I went upstairs to go to the library, I took a look around to see where the stairs I had come up were in relation to my Geometry class – but I couldn’t figure out where I was. I guess I just didn’t go down far enough or something.

Geometry class was horribly boring. I think of all my classes, that’s going to be the worst this year. The teacher is boring, and I’ve never been a big fan of geometry. I prefer numbers rather than shapes. Whatever. Right now we’re not even doing geometry – we’re stuck on deductive and inductive reasoning and proofs and stuff like that. Boring. So I won’t dwell on that anymore. My final class was Physics, and that class just got a lot better now that Jon switched to get into it. At least now I have someone to talk to. Anyways, Mr. Humpartzoomian is a good teacher – he reminds me of Mr. Branan (my Grade 7 teacher) on a good day, a day where he’s nice and friendly and laidback. We watched a bunch of videos that dealt with frame of reference and motion capture – stuff that’s used nowadays to create animated movies and video games in order to get more lifelike movement. It wasn’t a bad class at all – except for the sheet he handed out for us to do. It dealt with converting numbers from decimal notation to scientific notation – the exact same thing that I had to do in Chemistry, only with different numbers. I raced through that because it was simple after my practice in Chemistry class, so I avoided having homework.

I guess you could say that my day was pretty good today. I mean, I still feel like a loner, but I think I’d still rather feel like that than hang out with the wrong friends – ones that will bring me down instead of build me up. I’ve been praying for the past couple of days for God to give me peace and strength to get through this. He’s definitely been doing that, and it’s certainly helped. But today I prayed as well for God to show me someone who needs me – someone who needs to see a bit of Jesus in their life. I understand that I’m not the greatest example of God’s love, and I said that in my prayer, but I figure that I’m better than nothing. I may not be perfect, but I try to be friendly and loving, and from what I’ve seen of North Park so far, there doesn’t seem to be much of that going around. I mean, people are all nice and friendly to their own friends, but once you step outside of a clique, you’re on your own. There’s no one who will see you looking and feeling lonely and will stop and say, “Hey, what’s going on? Need some help?” So I prayed today that God would show me someone who needs a friend. I suggested perhaps at lunchtime, but I didn’t really see too many people sitting by themselves eating today like I did yesterday. Instead, I made a friend in my Chemistry class with that group project. It’s not much, but as time goes on, he seemed open enough to make a new friend.

I guess that’s what’s really been bugging me lately. I mean, I know several people at the school, many of whom I don’t usually talk to that much, but whom I at least know. There are people from work, and people who used to go to CBA. The only real good friends that I know, though, are Angelie, Jon, and Kristin. They’re the only ones that I can talk to and not feel awkward. So basically, other than three people in the midst of a few hundred, I’m all by myself at the school. I’m not part of the clique setting at all. And no one really seems all that eager to introduce me into one – not that I expected that at all. I’m just intrigued at how few people are actually friendly to strangers, though. I guess they’re all so used to walking by hundreds of unknown faces and not even giving it a second thought. I mean, sure, I’m not going to be going up to people in the hallways between classes and talking to them, because there’s just not enough time. But in class, and at lunch are the times when I have the opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life. I’m sure that there are enough friendless people in North Park for God to bring one or two of them into my life. My most important task, then, is to be sensitive to that. I need to consciously be looking for those people who are “outcasts” or just have few friends. I need to look around with God’s eyes and see those who need to have a physical representation of God’s endless love for them. It’s just something that’s on my heart right now, because I’m in the same situation that those people are in anyways – I know how it feels to be alone, and I know how discouraging it can be when everyone around you avoids you and walks on.

Anyways, that’s all I really have to say. I’m done spilling out my feelings for today. Tonight is youth, and then after that I have work from 9-12 PM. That means not much sleep, but it’s not like I’ve been getting much of that anyways. So I guess I should go upstairs and have supper. My parents aren’t even home tonight since they’re down at the church getting something ready for some barbecue tonight I think, so I’m on my own for supper. Right now I could really go for some waffles. I guess that’s not exactly the most nutritious supper, but I think I can afford one night of unhealthy eating. As for anything else I have to say, there is none, so this entry is done. Have a good day, and look both ways before you cross the street.

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