The Rules of Attraction

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

You might be wondering why there is no entry for yesterday. Do not be alarmed! There is a reason for this absence. And that reason is: because I had absolutely nothing to talk about! Alas, but it is true! Also, when I tried to get onto Blogger to at least write something random, it wouldn’t let me on, so it was likely trying to protect the minds of young, easily influenced readers. After all, the staff at Blogger are probably trying to contain my insanity, not let it spread.

Anyways, my entry on Tuesday pretty much summed up the day then anyways. I did nothing in the morning, then went to work and did nothing, and then came home and did some more nothing. Yesterday (Wednesday) wasn’t much better either. I did nothing all day, then went to youth and had a nice discussion, and then went to work after that. But since I need to fill up a bit of space, I’ll go into some more detail of the last two events.

At youth, Pastor Rob went around the circle and asked everyone who our favourite Bible character was and why. There were some really good answers, although it was a tough question, just because there are so many. I’d think of one good one, and then another one would pop into my head and I’d like that one better. I finally settled on Gideon and left it at that. The next question he asked was what our favourite Christian song was and why. I said “Always,” because it’s just an awesome song. After that, Josh, Jonathan’s brother, spoke for a little while about what’s gone on in his life for the past few years and what God had been teaching him. Since he’s going to be a leader starting this fall at youth, Pastor Rob had thought it would be good to have him share with us. And it was. He tried his best to explain how reading the Bible is always fresh, and how the deeper you look into it, the more complex and simple it becomes at the same time. He compared it to a diamond, where as you turn it the light reflects off all the angles. But as you stare into it closer, you really see all the intricate details and it becomes even more beautiful.

After sharing some prayer requests and then praying, we sort of got into a little discussion about things like the Beattitudes and translations of the Bible. It was all well and good, and then people sort of ended that discussion and got pop from the pop machine. Then Angelie started talking about how you can apparently tell when people are “meant for each other” when you look at their eyes. I started arguing with her about this, because I think females are absolutely stupid when it comes to this sort of thing. They’re just eyes, for goodness sakes, and of course you can see “something in their eyes” if you want to see it – that doesn’t mean it’s actually there, though. Then she started talking about her theory of why people are attracted to certain other people. She said that people were drawn to the qualities and characteristics that they see in their own father or brother (or mother or sister if they’re male). While I wasn’t sure about that, I think there’s just way too many situations that you’d have to account for to try and prove that. I mean, what about a girl whose father leaves her or dies when she’s really young, so she never actually knows him? If she’s still attracted to qualities that her father possesses, that would mean that it’s a genetic link, and good luck with trying to prove that to any degree. It’d just be too complex.

Personally, if you want to know what I think about the “rules of attraction,” I think it’s an incredibly complex process that no theory can accurately describe. Some people have it sort of right and sort of wrong, but they never cover the entire thing. Some people, like Angelie, think it has to do with similarities between the people or their close family members, etc. Other people think “opposites attract,” and that it has to do with the one person completing the other, like a puzzle piece. I personally think that it’s a combination of those two, plus a few others. I think it’s really more like a subconscious checklist, in some cases. There are some things that you look for similarities for – if you’re a musical person, perhaps you’d look for a musically talented person as well. Then there are some things that you look for differences in – perhaps if you’re very artistic and creative, you’d look for someone who’s more disciplined and structured to sort of offset your free-thinking. That’s why artists marry accountants. But attractions change, and I think mostly it just has to do with experiences. Our mind has an incredible ability to link thoughts and experiences together. Perhaps you are really attracted to romantic people, but then a bad experience with one of those people turns you off of that sort of thing completely. This person starts showing up with flowers and candy, poems and perfume and basically smothers you, and so as you move on with life, you start subconsciously looking for someone who’s just not so romantic.

The point I’m trying to make is that you can’t just pin down a theory of attraction and say, “That’s it. That’s the entire reason that people are attracted to others, no question about it.” If anyone said that, I’d reply with two words: “Prove it.” The point is that you can’t. You’d be making case study after case study, and each one would be unique and different, totally frustrating your efforts. Plus, as you examined couples and their reasons for attraction, you’d find it incredibly challenging. They likely wouldn’t be able to fully explain their reasons, and thus you’d have to be making assumptions and inferences left and right to try and account for their attraction fully. It just wouldn’t be possible. Then, after doing thousands of case studies and formulating your results, I think you’d be surprised at the answer – I don’t think there would be one. This thing that God has made called “attraction” is so incredibly complex that I don’t think it’s possible to understand it. I think it’s unique to each person, as individual as their fingerprint. One person may operate on a set of characteristics so tight that they can never really find the one person that truly fits it, and another person might not even know what attracts them to certain people. Some people seem to have it figured out and actually write down what they want in a person on a piece of paper, whereas others seem to not have a clue in the world and operate on an individual basis, comparing one to another as they go along in life.

Yes, attraction really is as unique as each life itself. There’s no set of guidelines that everyone subconsciously follows in order to choose who’s Mr. or Miss Right for them. But the more important thing to remember as Christians is that it’s not us who even decides who that is for us – or at least it shouldn’t be. God’s already had someone chosen for us from the beginning of time, and when we meet that person, God will have already uniquely created us to be attracted to that person. You see, although no one can fully comprehend attraction, God created it, and so He understands all its intricate details. He created each one of us, and therefore knows exactly who is “right” for us. And then He’s already set someone aside for us. I guess the hardest part is that we don’t know who it is, and so it’s like taking a stab in the dark when we try to find out. I suppose, more than anything, it’s an adventure – and we should treat it as such. People are such interesting and amazing creations, and the more we understand just how unique each and every person is, the more exciting the adventure becomes. We begin to search for new people to know and understand, and in doing so, we learn more about the One who created them – God Himself. Yes, it’s an adventure that we’re all on, and one that teaches us about the beings that God values above all others, even sending His Son to die for them. It’s amazing to think to just what great lengths God went to create this amazing world of diversity and unique individuality. What an awesome God!

2 responses to “The Rules of Attraction”


haha oh wow.. you made that way bigger than it was supposed to be. it was more of a personal opinion from experience in myself and things i see.. and i know its different for everyone. it was just kind of a general assumption.. not meaning everyones like that.. cuz actually, i dono who else is like that. but i can usually pick out little similarities when i see couples… buuut thats just me and my imagination. end of story. 🙂



Underline the word “imagination” in your comment and you’ve got it exactly right 🙂 I know I made it a lot bigger, but I sometimes run out of things to write in here, so I go off on little mini-essays about anything I find the slightest bit interesting. That’s basically how my brain works! Yay! You know everything there is to know about Jeff! Well not really. But whatever…