Yesterday was fairly uneventful. I didn’t do much of anything until soon before 8:00 PM, when I headed over to Jake and Luke’s house for Luke and Julie’s engagement party. When I got there, I was greeted by Mr. Dreyer, their dad, who told me that the dinner that several of the people were at was going really slowly – which meant that I was the only one there. To save an awkward situation, then, he asked me if I knew how to play chess. I said that yes, I did, though I hadn’t played it in a long time. So he got out a chess board, and we started playing. I actually had the upper hand. Soon Melissa arrived, and then after that, Dave and Jeff came as well. Once Bethany Dreyer arrived, her dad said that he had to leave, so the game ended with no one being declared the winner. I was a little disappointed, just because I would have been able to tell Jake that I was better than his own father, but my disappointment was somewhat diminished when I reminded myself that it was, after all, just a game of chess.
After more people arrived, the excitement level fluctuated slightly, possibly even registering on the Excitement Meter. I’m not entirely sure about that, though. It wasn’t a real lively party at all. People basically sat around and talked and stuff, and then when that got boring, someone would get up and join a different circle to talk. That’s about as exciting as it got. I guess the party was kind of pointless as well, considering that apparently Luke and Julie have pushed back the date of their wedding to something like April of 2007. Why they had an engagement party is beyond me, considering that their engagement is going to end up being a year and a half long – no reason to rush, in other words. Anyways, Meagan left at about 10:00 and gave Melissa a ride home as well. I mention that because I left about half an hour later, and as I said my goodbyes and gave my best wishes to Luke and Julie, Luke said something like, “You’re leaving? Oh yeah, your girlfriend left like half an hour ago.” I just sort of shrugged my shoulders and said, “I don’t really care.” They just sort of said something about how they didn’t think Melissa would be too pleased if she heard me say that. Then I said, “Well it’s not like we’re attached at the hip or anything.” That brings me to my rant of the day – although it’s been a little while since I actually ranted.
One of the things that I can’t stand is how, as soon as you tell anyone you’re “going out” with someone, they expect you to isolate yourselves from everyone else. Now, I’ve been in situations before where this has been the case with a “couple” that I’ve hung out with, and it’s really awkward. They’re off in their own little world, and I feel like I’m on a deep space mission trying to get ahold of them or something. I mean, to some extent, isolation is inevitable. As soon as you pick a “special someone,” you elevate them to a higher importance. But with the relationship I’ve had going on with Melissa, I’ve been trying really hard not to do that. I mean, I’m not trying to say that she’s unimportant to me or anything, but I’ve been trying hard not to isolate myself from the rest of my friends. It’s just not something I want to do, and I want to be able to hang out with other people just as easily as before Melissa and I started going out. But all my best efforts are complicated when everyone else expects me to isolate myself from them. It’s quite annoying, and that’s how I get into awkward situations like in the case of Luke last night with his comments. He expected me to leave when my girlfriend did, just because I guess he assumed that I couldn’t actually talk to and hang out with anyone else anymore. So while I’m trying to do other people a favour, they’re unknowingly going against my efforts.
Another aspect to this whole thing is that at the same time I’m trying not to isolate myself from my friends, I’m also trying not to isolate myself from my best Friend, which of course would be God. In the last relationship I had, I put her completely at the centre of my importance. My world revolved around her, and in essence, she became my “god.” I don’t say that with any hint of pride in me, because I’m certainly not proud of it in any way. I know just how easy it is to place God as secondary in importance just because you have someone down here on earth that occupies your emotions and seems to fulfill your needs for loving and feeling loved. I know that it happens easily because I let it happen before; but this time, I’m trying to keep it from happening altogether. While Melissa is a special person to me, she is still human, and mortal, whereas God is immortal. He’s so much more important than anyone down here on earth, and I know that I must keep my priorities in that order. To let anyone become more important than God is shooting for failure. And while I still haven’t completely figured out how to solve this problem once and for all, I remind myself often that God is number one in my life, and that’s how things are going to stay. I ask God to help me keep my priorities in order, and I also ask for His blessing on Melissa’s life. Why that last one (other than that it’s a great thing to pray for anyone)? While it’s beneficial to her life of course, it also serves the purpose of reminding me that God’s in control and greater in power than she is. It helps me remember that I look to God to fulfill my needs and desires, not anyone else.
So how does this work itself out in a relationship? Quite well, I think. I’ve enjoyed having Melissa around, for sure, but keeping myself from isolation keeps me from obsession. During the first few weeks, while rumours were flying all over the place about a certain girl and a certain guy, I had several of my female friends come up to me and ask me all sorts of awkward questions about the whole thing. While I refused to answer most of them (I have to keep these females under control, after all), I always made it clear that I was in no way obsessed with her. Most of them wouldn’t believe me and would be like, “Pphh, yes you are,” but I always stuck to it. Obsession comes easily for me; I’ve learned that the hard way (or the easy way, depending on how you look at it). What I need to learn is that the only person I will ever choose to be obsessed with is God Himself. Any other obsession on any other person or object, place or time, is strictly forbidden for me. I simply won’t allow it for myself. And honestly, I can say that it’s been incredibly rewarding for me. When I keep my obsession on the proper target, all the other priorities in my life fall into place naturally. When I shift the sights onto an improper target, that’s when my life begins to break apart. Why? Because everything else I could ever be obsessed over is temporary, and will eventually fail me. God is the only one who will never, ever, ever fail me or let me down. If He did, I may as well just let myself go and live life the way I want to, because He’d be just as transitory as the rest of life. But He’s never let me down yet, and so I will continue to trust in Him, leaving everything else as secondary in my life.
So anyways, that started off as a rant, and quickly turned into a life lesson, but whatever. I guess I’m just a bad ranter. Is that such a horrible thing? But I guess I’m done for today. I have to go to work in about an hour and a half. Apparently I’m getting trained on concession now, so that should be interesting. Hopefully I won’t spill drinks all over everyone or accidentally manage to tip over the entire popcorn machine. Of course, that’d be quite difficult, but you never know with me. I’ve managed to do some pretty stupid things. But I don’t think it’ll be too hard to learn how to do concession. I’ve worked in a food place before, so it’s mainly a matter of getting to know a new setup for ringing in transactions. The registers there have buttons – yay! The one at Quizno’s just had a touch-screen, but now I get to press buttons! That should pretty much be the highlight of my life. Okay, perhaps not, but I mean, they’re buttons, all the same. With that said, though, I need to go take my medication. With a case of insanity like this, I need all the pills I can get…