On today, more than all other days, I am at a loss for words. I know I’ve said that before numerous times, but it’s very true today. If I could accurately explain myself, I would, but I’m not sure that I really can. I guess I’ll make an attempt, but I can’t say too much just because of what it’s about.
I guess I’ll start by simply saying that I may have possibly found out something about someone that I really wish I didn’t find out. It started a couple of weeks ago when I started getting a few clues, but today I’ve found some better “evidence” – not that I’m launching an investigation or anything, but I need to know the truth. It’s certainly not concrete proof or anything, and I really hope that it doesn’t turn into that, but I’m afraid that it might. I can’t say much more than that, because that just wouldn’t be right, but let’s just say that I’m hoping and praying that it isn’t true. It’s possible that it’s all a mistake or an accident, and that’s what I really hope it is – but considering that this is the third or fourth time that I’ve been alerted to its possibility, I’m not so sure that I can assume it’s a mistake. Now I just have to sit tight and wait for something else to show itself – but above all other things, I don’t want to approach the person about it. That would be just about the worst thing that I’d ever have to do – and I’m not exaggerating here. It has the potential to be very harmful to some relationships – but past that, I can’t say anything. I’m choosing my words carefully here, because I don’t want to say much, but at the same time I just have to say something. But anyways, if you think you know what I’m talking about or anything like that, just trust me that you don’t – anyone reading this blog will not know the situation. Please just leave it at that.
I guess this whole situation puts a damper on the entire day. I went out and cut the grass this morning; I can’t say that made it much better – not that I expected it to. I guess I need to just clear my mind of the situation; after all, as I said, there’s no absolute proof. I just don’t want to think that someone I’ve trusted has let me and others down that way, but it could be the case. As for now, though, I have to assume that it’s not, and wait for more evidence to present itself. Innocent until proven guilty, as they say. I guess I just need some distraction to take my mind off the problem, although that might be difficult. I need somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to cheer me up and tell me that everything’s fine. I just wish that they could say that with any certainty, because I sure can’t. I want to just lie to myself and say it, but that gets me nowhere. I’m just going to be praying about it, and I’d appreciate if you’d do the same – if you’re reading this and are a Christian and such. Please just pray for wisdom for me and the person this involves, and also peace in the situation. I can’t give you specifics to pray for, but that should do. God knows what’s going on.
I’m not sure what else to say. I’m not sure what else to do, either. I suppose all I can really do is keep on going and try to distract myself until something happens. I can’t do anything with what I have now, and while I’m hoping that nothing else ever comes of this, if I come across it again I have to deal with it, much as I’d hate to have to do that. It’s just difficult to force yourself to wait for something that you don’t even want to happen in the first place. But if you feel the need, please feel free to talk to me; I know I won’t be able to say much to you, but just to have reassurance in the matter would be great. Stuff like this is forcing me to trust in God, and that’s often very difficult. I’d appreciate any support you could give, though you don’t know what’s going on. Thank you.