Today has been another day of preparing more resumes to be sent out. I’m still hoping against all hope that Bluenotes will call me back so I can just finish up this whole arduous process of trying to find a job. I’ve been praying that God would help me in this, and I’m really hoping that Bluenotes is the place He wants me to work. Why? Well, because that means I don’t have to send out another 10 or 12 resumes and go through the whole process again. I just want to get a job and be finished with this whole thing.
As I had that mindset last night, I picked up the book that I’ve been reading for the past little while, Spiritual Warfare, and kept reading where I last left off. It was talking about wilderness experiences, where God tests us to produce proven character. One line that the author said really stood out to me, though. It was this: “There is not a moment in time when God is not working in you.” It really hit me like a brick to the head. Too often we can look back on our really hard times or something and tell that God was working in us then, but the truth is that He is always working in us. It’s not just when we’re going through a hard time where we need more patience or strength or something. He’s always pouring in more and more of these qualities and working in our lives. It’s amazing to think about. Even though I’m going through this annoying process of trying to find a job, I know that God’s doing something in me that will change me for the better. The only thing we have to do is be open to that change and embrace it. And that’s the hard part.
There are many things that I struggle with. I’m not going to get into a list, but I don’t think I need to say that I’m not perfect. It’d be a pretty long list. Right now, though, God’s really pushing on me hard to fix one certain area of my life. And I’ve been trying to push myself hard to change that as well, because of his proddings. It’s hard, and sometimes it doesn’t seem like any progress is being made, but I know that I can do it through Christ who strengthens me. It’s possible because all things are possible with Him. And that gives me hope that this thing can be and will be fixed.
It sometimes seems like God’s a big nagging guy up in the sky, always trying to get you to change, and never satisfied with how you are. Sure, we say that God loves you just as you are to bring people to Christ, and then as soon as they accept Him, we say, “Okay, now the first thing you need to do is change this and this and that. God wants you to.” That’s all true, but it seems like sometimes we forget the reason why God does that in the first place. If we had a God who was unconcerned with our personal well-being, we wouldn’t have to change. But the amazing thing is that God loves us so much that He isn’t satisfied with how we are. He’s always working to help make us better people, because He wants us to be the best we can be for Him. His motivation for it is His love for us.
You see, God is like a parent. We even call Him our Father. But a father shows his concern for his children by disciplining them. He knows that an undisciplined child becomes a spoiled and bratty child, and no one likes a spoiled and bratty child. A father shows a lack of concern for his children by not disciplining them, even if he tries to give them everything they want. That’s the opposite of caring – some things that children want are dangerous or harmful to them. It’s the same way with God. God shows His love for us by disciplining us – not giving us everything we want. It’s the only way we grow to be spiritually mature individuals. Otherwise, we’d all be bratty, spoiled spiritual children trying to get God to give us what we want. And no one likes a spoiled and bratty child.
Anyways, I guess that’s all for today. I’m going to have some lunch, then go out and drop off resumes. I may call Bluenotes instead of waiting for them to call me, just because otherwise they’ll likely have to leave a message if they call while I’m out. I’m not sure, though; I haven’t decided. All I know is that we’re running out of paper and envelopes, so I had better get a job soon, or the environmentalists may be all over me for deforestation…