Murder Mysteries and Useless Tournaments

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

I was on the bus riding home today deciding what I wanted to write about for today’s topic, and I ended up coming up blank. I really couldn’t think of much. I could tell all about the latest gossip about who’s going out with whom, but considering I hate when people do that to me, I don’t think I could do that to anyone else. Besides, it’s not really that exciting – I guess I’m just not into that whole drama thing (go figure).

This is really quite difficult. Some days I’m pretty much thinking about things to write about the entire day. Other times I just sit down and right away something comes to me. Today, I sat down hoping I’d get a flash of inspiration, but nothing happened. I had a couple sparks, but nothing ignited. So I suppose I’ll talk a little bit about what happened last night, and perhaps that will bring up something more interesting.

I headed off to youth at Central, and we were in the middle of worship, when suddenly the lights went out and there was a big, high-pitched scream. Everyone was like, “What the heck is going on here?” Then the lights came back on, and Pastor Rob came out with some huge glasses with thick rims and stated that there’d been a murder. Yes, the murder mystery night was on. Apparently, a while ago Marcus wrote a script for them to use as a murder mystery night that they had been planning months ago. It just kept getting cancelled and postponed, so basically it seemed like he had written it for nothing. But last night they used it, and we went to work to try and solve the crime.

There were seven different rooms that had been set up, each with a witness in them except for one, which was the crime scene. We were in groups of seven or eight, and we went around to the different witnesses and asked them questions to try and solve the murder. There was Max the security guard, Henry the cook, Bernard the butler, the maid (I think her name was Maria), the accountant (I forget her name, too) of the business run by the victim, Martin, and Julie, the victim’s wife. I must say that it was very well done. Each of them seemed to have motive to kill Martin, and in the end, the solution was very complex. It ended up being the maid, though. I must admit that I was actually quite close to the real answer, though I didn’t have all the details right. At any rate, I was closer than Kristin and Michelle, who came up with this really strange story about how Martin actually tried to kill himself to frame the cook or something. It was really far-fetched and didn’t really make any sense. It was still a great night, though.

After that, a bunch of people headed over to Jon’s house. Some stopped off at Wendy’s first, but I drove straight there. A few people walked as well. Angelie must have spent close to ten minutes just trying to decide whether to ride in the car with me or walk. She ended up making a compromise; she left her stuff in my car, but walked with Jordan. I really could care less, and was just like, “Okay, either way you’re going to get there, so it’s not that big a deal. Just pick something.” I sort of half-thought that she was likely going to walk with Jordan, which ended up happening, but that’s definitely understandable. So I got lost on the way to his house because I turned down the wrong street, and wound up going completely the wrong way and having to go in a big circle to try again, but at least I got there before the people who were walking got there. That would have been a little strange.

So anyways, I was sitting on the couch for most of the time. Melissa went over to Jon’s computer and read my blog, although I’m not quite sure why. It was a little awkward. I hate people reading stuff I’ve written right in front of me. It just bugs me. Anyways, after that she came and sat down beside me on the couch and immediately started whining that she was hungry and wanted food. Why she didn’t just go with her brother and get food from Wendy’s at the start was beyond me, other than the fact that she had no money. I’m sure I said something to her to the effect of, “If you don’t have money, then don’t expect to eat.” She’s a persistent one, though, and got Bethany and Angelie into it for a little bit. Soon, though, Jon popped a couple bags of popcorn which Melissa and Angelie greedily gobbled up. That didn’t satisfy her, though. A few minutes later, from my left ear, I heard, “Ugh, I’m hungry. Popcorn isn’t filling.” Will the insanity never end?

Anyways, what ended up happening is that, instead of whining about it, we settled it fair and square. We did a best-out-of-three rock paper scissors to determine whether I would drive her to get food or not. I ended up winning, but then she started complaining that it wasn’t the real deal because I didn’t say “deal.” That was a cheap shot, but I figured I’d let her have it. So we went to a coin toss, which was apparently “the real thing now.” I called it in the air, and got it wrong, but got out of it on a technicality – I hadn’t said “deal” for that one either. So instead, we did a best-out-of-three, rounding it out with a best-out-of-three thumb war. Since I had won the rock paper scissors, and she had won the coin toss, it seemed the only way to settle it. It really came right down to the wire. She won a thumb war, and then I won one, so it got very intense. I mean, you could have heard a pin drop in the place; everyone was so intent on seeing the winner. Actually, I don’t think anyone was really watching, but it was important to the two of us – it would determine the fate of my laziness.

The game started out slow, with neither side making a move for fear of tipping their hand…or thumb. I was quickly calculating her weaknesses and determining the length of her thumb, and the trajectory I would have to strike at in order to ensure success. Then, while I was busy calculating wind speed and velocity of the average human thumb, she struck first and pinned down my thumb. It truly was a tragic loss, for I could see no way out of it other than just sheer stubbornness. Besides, by that point, her brother Josh was watching, and when there are witnesses, it’s very hard to get it. I stalled to try and think of some loophole, but it just didn’t work. So off we went to Wendy’s. To be honest, I really could have cared less; if she had just asked one more time I probably would have given in, instead of having to go through those strange games. But whatever works, I suppose. She was happy, I was bitter about my loss, but it was either that or be bitter about a whiny girl, so I took the lesser of two evils.

Alright, alright, so I’m making this out to be a horribly bad thing and trying to show you how evil and demonic Melissa is, but whatever. It’s more fun that way. We headed off to Wendy’s, I bought her what she wanted, and then we got back into the car. She told me to just drive her home since her brother would likely have left by the time we got back to Jon’s house, so off we went to her house. When we got close to her home, we drove up to a police car stopped in the middle of the street. It was a little strange. I didn’t really know what to do. Are you really supposed to drive around a police officer? But when he parked, I decided to just go around him, because I wasn’t really just going to wait there until he left, and it was still a little piece away from her house. So I turned the wheel to go around it, and basically cut off another cop car coming up behind me. I drove past and there were two more cars facing the other way on the street, and I saw yet another one driving up behind them. My first thought was, “Melissa led me into a trap! My secret spy identity will be found out!” Well, okay, not really. But anyways, I got her home, working my way through the maze of cop cars, and let her out. I headed back to Jon’s house, stayed there for a few minutes, then left when Jordan and Angelie did, since she needed her stuff out of my car. I ended up giving them a ride up to Fairview, and they were going to walk from there to Jordan’s house, although I’m not sure why. Whatever. It’s not really my business.

All in all, it was a pretty good night. I could have done without all the whining, but I guess that’s the way she lets people know she’s still alive. Is it the female mating call? Who knows? Perhaps I should do a study on this: “Whiny Women – A Field Study on Strange Female Behaviours.” That’s actually quite a good biology project. You get to date women and then get marks for it. And the great thing about science is that you can disprove your own hypothesis and still come out as the good guy, adding to the body of knowledge. I mean, I could find out that Melissa is actually the only whiny person on the planet, and totally disprove my own theory, and still be able to get full marks for something like that. Hmm, that also reminds me. I have a Biology paper on evolution coming up. Maybe this stuff is hereditary…

Well, there you go. It turned out to be a little more interesting than I thought it would be. I still can’t say that it was a topic worth writing about really, but I suppose I’ve written about much worse. Yes, now that I think back, I’ve written about horrible topics. But oh well. That’s life; what are you going to do, sue me? Go ahead and try it. I’ll use the defense of artistic freedom, and that will be that. You just wish your life was half as exciting as mine (considering half of zero is still zero). But anyways, I’m going to stop writing, because I’ve written too much already – since I didn’t have anything to write about in the first place. It’s sad, really. I ramble on and on and call it writing, and people actually read this stuff. Shame on you. But then again, I guess it’s entertaining…

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