Today was a little strange. Most of the day was alright, but what happened at lunch sort of threw things off a bit. It wasn’t so much the situation as it was the part of me that I’ve been trying to get rid of flaring up again. I got into a little argument with Steph about some things that went on at youth last night. The details really aren’t important; needless to say, though, it was a difference of opinion. Both of us tend to be quite opinionated, and thus we sometimes clash over stuff that later seems pretty stupid. I mean, I was a little ticked off just because of the fact that she always has her little opinion about youth and what should and shouldn’t be done, and then was telling me not to criticize and such, but the fact is she’s right. She could probably use a little of her own advice, but the fact remains that I really do criticize a lot.
I usually like to think of myself as pretty easy-going. It’s just stupid stuff that gets under my skin sometimes. I mean, with this situation, it wasn’t even that I thought what they did was bad, but rather I thought they could have done something better. Then, of course, two stubborn people get on opposite sides, and start arguing over something that really doesn’t matter. I should have just bit my tongue and ended it right before or soon after it started. I should have just let it go. I should have just internally slapped myself for trying to set my opinions higher than theirs. But I didn’t. And because the situation was somewhat of a sensitive issue for some people, it really got to me that the people involved could have handled it better than they did. I’ve been in the same situation as these people, and I know that I wouldn’t want them doing what they did, although I know they had the best intentions and all.
Anyways, now I’m frustrated at the fact that I’ve tried to just let things go when they don’t really matter, and today I failed at that. In 2 Timothy 2:23-24, it says, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” Yeah, and I totally screwed that up today. It really was a foolish and stupid argument; while the situation itself was important, the fine line I was trying to argue was just that: a fine line. I know I could have handled that situation about ten times better if I had just cut off my tongue and shut up completely. It would have saved a lot of hassle.
But anyways, I suppose it’s over. I don’t think Steph cared about it enough to hate my guts for it or anything, but sometimes I wish people that I’m arguing with would just punch me right in the face and say, “Stop it. Now.” It might make me think twice about continuing my useless arguments. I also wish I could just figure out a practical way to turn on a trigger in my mind that says, “Okay, this is stupid, and your friendship with this person is worth far more than winning this argument with them. Just shut up, you moron.” Unfortunately, I haven’t found that trigger yet. Once I get going, I’m going, going, gone. I guess something like this just takes practice; I’m trying to keep this sort of thing in my head and file it away for next time something like this comes up.
I think I’m done for today. Needless to say, I’ve beaten myself up once again over my stupidity. I do that a lot, probably because there’s a lot of stupidity to beat out of me. Yes, I do a lot of idiotic things that I regret later. On the bright side, I’ve gotten rid of a lot of it, which marks a great improvement. I’m hoping that the upward slope will continue in that direction. It’d definitely make things a whole lot easier.