Females: Can’t Live Without ‘Em, Can’t Make More Without ‘Em

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Today was slightly interesting. I mean, no one got bombed by kamikaze fighter jets, and no one got hung upside down by their toenails and tickled until their toes fell off. But still, it was a little out of the ordinary. First off was Math, which makes little sense to anyone in the class, including Mr. C. Next we had a fifteen-minute English class, with the second half after lunch. Basically, the reasoning for that was because we had people from New Brunswick Bible Institute coming in for chapel at the end of the day, but we also had a fixed time schedule for swimming that Mr. G couldn’t just change. So, after fifteen minutes of English, it was off to swimming, where I studied the Biology study notes that I had spent about two hours on last night.

Lunch was about as usual, and then during the second half of English, we split up into our groups and talked about the sonnet we chose. I’m really not big on sonnets; they’re pretty useless, if you ask me. Then again, examining any type of poem that closely is pretty useless in my opinion. Anyway, Beth, Lana, and I went to the lunch room and supposedly worked on our sonnet. In reality, we maybe mentioned the word “sonnet” twice at most. Beth and Lana apparently had some “guy problems” that they needed to talk about, so we just sat around and talked. I didn’t really care. I didn’t feel much like working either, although I would have if I could have gotten them to even look at the stupid poem.

The last class of the day was Biology, during which we finally got the dreaded Unit 3 test done and finished with. I was definitely glad to just do it. It was a very large test, and although she cut it down to everything being point-form and such, Beth and Jon still didn’t get everything done, and Lana and I basically squeaked by. I think I was done with about five minutes left, and that’s unusual for me. The problem was that it was so massive, even though it wasn’t all that difficult. The test was on everything from homeostasis to kidneys to hormones to the nervous system to vision to hearing to the immune system. It was really all over the place. Anyways, I think I did pretty well on it all the same. I just felt all warm and fuzzy afterward, knowing that it was over with.

The last part of the school day was devoted to chapel, where the previously mentioned people from NBBI sang some songs, did a skit, spoke a little, and just generally did the same stuff we saw them do last year. They added in a guitar and a saxophone this year, but otherwise, besides being different people, it was pretty much the same. Before the chapel actually started, Melissa and Steph turned around to where I was sitting behind them and, in a high giggly voice like elementary school girls, told me they had to ask me a question after chapel. Steph gets like that sometimes, usually when she’s just spent a class with a bunch of other girls – since they had Math class while we were having Biology. Come to think of it, most girls get like that when they’re together – they get all giggly and joke around a lot, especially about flirting and stuff. I usually find that a good, stern look gets them out of that mood. Actually no, once they’re in that mood, it’s impossible to stop, no matter what you try. The best idea is just to avoid it altogether. But, seeing as I’m in a school with twenty-two people, it’s hard to get away from them.

Anyways, after the chapel, their question to me was whether I wanted to drive to Port Dover. Pphh. That’s like asking, “Hey, do you want to give me money for no apparent reason?” Of course I don’t want to drive to Port Dover, especially in a car full of annoying girls. Sure I’d hang out with them in Port Dover, and even ride in the car with them, but driving is a different matter. Driving’s fun if you have the right people in the car – and they’re not exactly the best passengers. These are the same people that screamed at me when I “almost ran over a dog,” as well as when they tried to get me to go through the drive-thru at McDonald’s and order all their food for them. I considered suicide right then and there – it’s mental suicide to just sit for ten minutes with them.

But then I considered the alternative. Hmm, let’s see. I could go to Port Dover with these annoying girls, but then have a good time with them (that’s excluding the car ride), or I could sit at home on a Friday night and do nothing. Jeez, what kind of options are these?! Either choice is brutally painful. Here are comparable choices: either sit in a cramped space with three monkeys crawling on your head, or sit in a blank room all alone, with only a clock in the room to remind you of how slow time is going. If I were a sadistic jailkeeper that had the power to choose how to kill off people on death row, these would be the options I would give them. I might add something in there about a sharp spikes or something, but those would be the basics at least. I mean, not only is it Port Dover, but it’s Friday the 13th, when all the bikers come down. We might as well go up to a big, malicious-looking biker and say, “Hey, looks like somebody’s compensating for something.” Yeah, that’s it. Let’s just play the “See How Long We Can Survive While Mocking People That Are Built Like Tanks” game. It’s a riot every time.

So anyways, I think that’s about it. Steph and Melissa wouldn’t leave me alone until I said about sixteen times that I’d ask my parents if I could have the car, even after I explained that it wasn’t likely that they’d let me, considering we only have one car right now. I suspect that Steph might have a bit of a hidden agenda with this whole idea, though. She keeps asking me if I like a certain girl whose name starts with the letter M, and considering that they were the ones that came up with the idea, it’s looking pretty suspicious from my perspective. I even guessed correctly before they asked me the question. After they said they had a question to ask me, I thought to myself that it was going to be something like, “Are you doing anything tonight?” Turns out I was right. Jeez, I’m onto these females. They think they’ve got me outplayed, outmatched, and outwitted, but I’ve got them all figured out. They’re no match for the incredible intellect I have, not to mention the wonderful good looks and the great personality as well.

But enough with that. I suppose the most likely outcome of this will be something as follows (stay tuned tomorrow to see if I was correct): I ask my parents, they finally agree to give me the car, I go to Port Dover and get slightly frustrated but have a good time in the end, and then Steph gets annoying trying to set me up with anyone either inside or outside the car. She’ll likely set me up on a date with a big-looking biker dude with a shaved head and a massive Harley, and she’ll look on in utter delight while I stare on in sheer horror. Then we all go home, I drop into bed completely exhausted, and that is that. That’s my best guess.

Before I end this off, I’ve been requested to mention Bethany, my wonderful cousin, in my blog. She apparently read my blog at like 1 AM today and said I was a good writer and that she was impressed, so I’m obligated to mention her name here. She has a few problems in the guy department, but that’s because I’m off-limits as her cousin. Obviously, that’s the reason. So if there are any single guys out there, please feel free to contact her. She’s about three feet tall, with blonde hair and a red nose from constant colds. Attracted yet? If not, I might also add that I’m her cousin. If that doesn’t get you interested, nothing will. But anyways, my job’s done. She just told me to mention her name, and I went over and above. I’m so nice.

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