Sometimes people are stupid. And sometimes that doesn’t bother me. Other times it really does. Right now I’m in a pretty good mood; I’ve been that way all day. But there are some days that people just bug me.
Lately my family’s been getting on my nerves – more than usual, that is. I mean, usually they’re annoying, but I can handle it, and it’s no big deal. But in the past little while, they’ve been more annoying than usual, and it’s been all I can do some days to just keep myself from blowing up. I love them, and so I don’t want to hurt them by suddenly freaking out on them, but sometimes it’s very hard to keep from doing that.
Take, for example, Sunday night. Angelie, Jordan, and I were standing around after youth discussing where to go, since it was only like 8:00 or something and none of us really wanted to go home. My mom comes into the gym and asks me what I’m doing; I tell her that I don’t know, but that we’re working on it. She tells me that she wants to know in five minutes what I’m doing, because she wanted to leave – that was fair enough considering the youth service had gone late and they had stayed around waiting for me. Anyways, we decided to go to Wendy’s, and since Jordan needed money and I wanted to just let my parents go home, Jordan went to call his parents to come down and I went to tell my parents that they could go. I told them, and they started getting frustrated because that meant the Tozers would have to pay for gas and such – my parents have been uptight with the high gas prices lately. So my mom goes and tries to find Jordan, who’s on the phone at the time, and tells him that he doesn’t need to call his parents because they can give him a ride. Jordan explains that he needs money, and my mom just says, “How much do you need? Ten dollars? I can give you money.” It almost sounded like a bribe, but whatever. That was just the beginning.
After solving that problem, my mom started walking out the door and telling us to hurry up. I tried to gently nudge Jordan and Angelie along, who always seem to take ten minutes to pack up his guitar stuff, because they do it at half the speed they could and spend more time talking than anything. It’s frustrating because I know my mom wants to get out of there and they’re taking a long time. But whatever. They got everything packed up and we headed out to the car. My mom wasn’t out there, though. We put our stuff in the car and sat down, but I suddenly had the thought that probably my mom had gone back in to look for us since we were taking too long or something. So, with an exasperated look on my face, I went back into the building to look for my mom. Apparently my dad had to lock up, so why she was rushing us, I really don’t know. We finally got into the car with tensions running high, and we all got to Wendy’s safely.
I told my parents that I’d call if I needed a ride home, but that we’d likely get a ride with the Tozers, and that was fine. We went inside, and a lady and her daughter came in behind us as well. I thought nothing of it, and we were thinking about what to order, when suddenly my parents come in. They start saying hello to these people and call me over to introduce me to none other than my second and third cousins – not like I really cared. I just wanted my parents to leave. My mom had been frustrated with me all night, and I really just wanted her to leave. So what do they decide to do? Of course, they decide to sit down and have a nice chat with these relatives. By this time I was steaming out my ears and trying to hide it. We ordered our stuff and sat down in the little area with the glass roof that’s separated from the rest of the restaurant – to get away from my family, of course. I led the way on that one. We had a good time down there, and then my dad came to the little railing divider and asked me what we were doing. I shot a glance over at Jordan, who then came up with a brilliant idea to go across the street to Baskin & Robbins. That saved my day. I said they could go home and we could call the Tozers to get a ride home. That suited them fine, and they went on their way.
I know the story doesn’t sound like much, but it was just incredibly frustrating. It was similar to the feeling you get when you’re trying to stay away from someone you just really can’t stand, and that person shows up everywhere you go. That night was added onto increasing tensions that have been building between myself and my parents for a few years now, and with the recent addition of my sister coming home, it’s been getting too hard to handle. I mean, I already have started really enjoying going to school just because it’s not home, and now that my sister’s home, anywhere I can go to get away from my family is great. I mean, I love them, but I need some time away from them. I have been around them for too long. I suppose you could say that I’m getting cabin fever. I’m going insane whenever I’m around them, and the tiniest thing they do sets me off – not because what they do in itself is bad, but that it’s added onto a whole ton of other little stuff that’s built up into a giant mound.
Anyways, Angelie, Jordan, and I ended up walking to McDonald’s instead and getting sundaes, because we figured they’d be cheaper than Baskin & Robbins. We talked for a little while, and then Jordan called his parents, and we called it a night. I can’t say that I had a great night, since Angelie especially has a way of isolating Jordan and herself. I mean, it’s not her fault – I think every person in the history of mankind that has liked another person strongly has done it. I know I did it when I was with Kayla. But it doesn’t exactly make for great outings when you’re with two love-birds; it’s kind of like being the third wheel, except that they’re not going out. I guess it could be worse – they could have been making out right in front of me or something and ignoring me completely. And I mean, we’re all friends with each other, so it wasn’t horrible or anything. I just wish I had someone to talk to when they were talking to each other. Then I’d at least be able to leave them alone and let them talk and not have to sit there listening in on their conversation. That’s always kind of awkward. It’s like talking to two people that know each other so well that they start going on about their inside jokes and you’re just standing there laughing because they are, even though you have no clue what they’re talking about.
I know this all sounds very negative, and mostly it’s just because I’ve been very frustrated lately. Don’t take it too heavily; I’m very grateful for my family and friends, and I love them all very much. I just have a hard time finding time to myself, and when I do find it, it’s always either interrupted, or it’s too long and I start getting lonely. I find it difficult to get the balance between my social life and my “me time” if you will. Too much of other people and I start just getting annoyed and grumpy, but too much time alone just gets me in a depressing mood because I want to hang out with someone and there’s no one to hang out with.
I suppose my moods may have to do somewhat with my lack of sleep. Most people that are short on sleep tend to be grumpy and have a short fuse; I think I have a good handle on my temper since I’ve worked so hard to improve it from what it was (believe me, it wasn’t pretty before), but it’s still hard to keep from getting frustrated when I’m short on sleep. These horrible sleep patterns have been going on for so long, but when I have a good night’s sleep every odd night, I feel refreshed and I’m in a great mood. I woke up at around 6:30 today, which isn’t bad – only half an hour before my alarm goes off – so I was in a pretty good mood. I’ve been pretty relaxed all day, and I was in a good enough mood to let Steph make me into the human rubber doll at lunch today. She kept putting my arms and legs in strange positions, and I’d just hold them there like a statue or something. It was pretty strange, but I suppose if it made her happy, then it’s better to feed the ravenous wolves rather than be eaten for dinner. And of course, I mean that in the nicest way possible – I think.
There’s not much more that I wanted to say today, I don’t think. My mp3 player’s bugging me right now, because it keeps playing the same songs over and over again and doesn’t play other ones at all. I’m trying to figure out how to change that, but right now I’ve heard Take It Away by The Used about four times in three days – not that I’m complaining, since it’s a pretty good song, but I’d rather have a variety, if you know what I mean. I may have to end up putting it into a random order myself and just play it straight through, if that makes any sense. But I suppose I’m done talking for now. Get out of my life now, please. Thank you.