The Day of Dissing

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Today had to be the day when I achieved the most amazing insults. I dissed so many people today, and all of them were quite intelligent disses, not something like, “Yeah, well your mom’s ugly.” Nobody had any comeback good enough for my insults today. The most they could muster was, “Shut up.” It was great.

Let me set up the scenario for one of the good disses (since I forget most of the others – I just know they were good). A couple years ago, when I was in Grade 10, I liked Stephanie. On Valentine’s Day I decided to be stupid – although I thought I was being smart then – and give her a nice little note saying that I’d be thinking about her today, and gave her a pack of gum as well. The gum was because she always asked me for gum, blah blah blah. You don’t even want to hear some of the outrageous ideas I had come up with before, though. This idea was toned down majorly because I figured anything bigger would end up making her throw herself out the window from embarrassment. So anyways, I gave it to her all shyly, she said thanks just to be nice to me so she wouldn’t hurt my feelings, and then proceeded to go out with my best friend within the next couple of weeks. She pretty much avoided me since she realized that flirting with me was making me think that she liked me, etc. etc.

Anyways, to make a long story short, since Valentine’s Day is coming up soon, Steph brought up the subject today. Then she just sort of mentioned how she remembered the note that I had given her two years ago, and how I liked her back then. I just said, “Yeah, but I didn’t really know you very well back then.” Ouch. She just shouted back, “Shut up.” Being the gentleman that I am, I most certainly did not. She then said that she still had the note and, after asking if she still had the gum (thankfully, she didn’t), I told her that she shouldn’t expect one this year. I don’t know. As with all stories, you really had to be there. It was a lot funnier when it actually happened. I got a few more disses in, like when she asked why I didn’t like her anymore, I replied, “Well, have you looked in the mirror lately?” Earlier on in the day as well, she told me that she didn’t have any makeup on, and I just said, “Yeah, I could tell. You look uglier than usual.” The fact that both those statements weren’t true just made it funnier. I mean, guys tell her she’s hot all the time, so I figure I might as well not give her that benefit. Life is great.

Other than disses to Stephanie, which I usually remember most since she reacts the most violently, I also dissed Bethany today a few times. Well, today I insulted her more than usual. It’s really a daily occurrence for me, so I won’t go into too much detail. Besides the insults thrown around, it was a pretty average day. And now I just got a racking headache that came from nowhere. Wow.

I have to work tonight for my third last shift. It’s been a week since I worked last, and I’m looking forward to just getting out of Quizno’s forever. I mean, the people are great, but the place stinks – literally and figuratively. I told Angelie to come in tonight so I could give her a birthday present. It’s her birthday in a couple of days, and she’s at youth tonight, which is just a two-minute walk away, so I told her to come in and I’d buy her a sub. I mean, anything else I could get her for a present would require creativity and/or effort, so when life gives you bread, meat, and veggies, make a sub! Besides, food is always a good present, even though it’s not a lasting one (hopefully). So tonight should be pretty cool, as long as it’s not busy.

Anyways, I must be off to eat some supper, and then I’ll have a few minutes of relaxation before rushing off to the glorious place called Quizno’s Classic Subs. Jeez. An adventure is just waiting around every corner for me, now, isn’t it?

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