The Rules of Attraction

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Heh. Today I heard some updates about what’s been going on in the soap opera life of our school. There’s this grade nine kid, Aaron, who apparently likes my cousin, Bethany, who’s in her second year of Grade 12 currently (she just needed some extra credits and stuff). So he’s been following her around at lunchtime even when she moves to another table far away from him, and constantly tries to sit next to her. Hah, I can’t help but laugh when I hear this stuff because I remember when I was exactly like that.

It was back when I was in Grade 10. I was stupid back then. I was obsessed with a girl who shall remain nameless. I always tried to get as close to her as possible; I did everything I could to talk to her and make her laugh and all that great stuff that obsessed people try to do. On Valentine’s Day I gave her a thoughtful little present that I laboriously toiled over for hours, wanting to make it perfect. I got a mutual friend to ask her if she liked me; turns out she didn’t. I gave her the present anyway, and then asked her later on MSN and she still hadn’t changed.

That brings me to another point: Why is it that girls always seem to flirt with you even though they have no attraction to you whatsoever? It just doesn’t make sense. They lead you on to thinking they’re interested in you and then you ask them and they give you a surprised look and are like “No, why would you ever think that?!” But that’s beside the point. I doubt I’ll ever fully understand females; it would require me to set aside all logic.

Well, needless to say, maturity grows over time. During my Grade 10 year, I not only failed to attract her, but she also started going out with one of my best friends. Ouch. But hey, all’s fair in love and war, right? I eventually resigned myself to the fact that she would never change her mind about me. I wouldn’t say that was when my maturity grew; it was more at the point when, after I was resigned to that fact, I decided to move on. Most guys have a tendency to cling. I suppose you could say that guys are like shrink-wrap; they find something they like and then smother it. Any girl that would even have possible interest in them now gets suffocated to death unless they can fight their way out of it. But unlike shrink wrap, men cling even tighter when the girl fights harder.

Anyways, that’s what I now understand about women. The secret to gaining their attraction is to never admit it yourself. You can’t profess your undying love to a woman without coming across as a freak. It just doesn’t work. You have to instead be like a bug zapper. Yes, I said a bug zapper. Those things attract flies like magnets. The other obvious comparison I could make would be to equate women with flies and other various pests, but I won’t go any further with that. It could cause me unnecessary pain if this falls into the wrong hands; namely, in the hands of a woman.

But back to the point I shall go. Bethany’s getting so annoyed because Aaron won’t leave her alone. She’s gotten her friends to talk to him about it and explain how she’s not interested in him “that way.” It looks like that didn’t stop him. I figured it wouldn’t. The only thing that will stop him will be for Bethany to sit down with him and tell him, “I don’t like you. I never will. Get out of my life; I never want to see your face again.” While that might not be the most tactful method, guys need girls to be direct with them. Girls are so enshrouded in mystery that it’s hard to figure them out. We need blatant, straight-forward messages, because we tend to be slightly on the slow side. Perhaps a better method would be for Bethany to sit down and tell him that it would just not be right for her to even consider going out with someone younger than her. She could tell him how she just would never go out with someone who’s 4 years younger than she is. It might get the point across.

I think the wrong way to do it was how they tried it today. Bethany and Stephanie were sitting at the big table at lunch and Aaron went to sit down beside Bethany. A little bit later, Beth and Steph left and sat at a table further away. That didn’t work out; Aaron just followed them. Then Bethany started talking about all the other guys in her life. Steph was asking questions about how Cameron and she were doing (which, by the way, is funny since they’ve never gone out or anything close to it), and Beth was discussing stuff about her ex-boyfriend, Kurtis. Apparently Aaron got pretty mad and left. I probably would too if I were in his situation – and also where he is in regards to maturity level. That’s not an insult of course; I was there once too. But that situation was horribly handled. I can’t figure out why they saw the need to go about “getting the message across” in such a roundabout way.

Then again, I suppose that’s how women work. They deal more with body language and the meanings behind words than they do with the words they actually say. Guys are, for the most part, straight-forward. In certain situations we can be pretty cryptic as well, where every guy sees exactly what’s going on and the girl is like, “Huh? I don’t get it.” But generally, guys say what they mean, and although girls try to figure out the hidden meaning behind it, there really isn’t one.

Let me illustrate myself. Rewind a year. There was a girl in my school that liked me and that I couldn’t stand. Actually, I think she still does even now, but that’s not the point. One day Steph and Lana (the resident matchmakers at school who feel the need to interfere with everyone’s lives to suit their strange whims) started pestering me with questions about whether I liked this girl. I kept saying “No, I can’t stand her.” They immediately started saying, “Yeah you do, I can tell.” I started getting so frustrated because I was telling the truth and they were only seeing what they wanted to believe. I kept saying, “No, you can’t tell because it’s not there.” They weren’t satisfied until I learned a very great truth in that moment. I learned to give people that bother you exactly what they want to hear, with a twist – say it sarcastically. I finally said, with my voice dripping with sarcasm, “Alright, you got me. I like her, it’s just so obvious, I just can’t hide it anymore. I’m just crazy about her. Alright?” That shut them up. Never let people, especially women, pester you for information. They’ll never believe you unless you tell them what they want to hear. But the fact was that they took my frustration at not getting the truth across as an indication that it wasn’t the truth. However, when I said the right words in the wrong tone, a very sarcastic one, they immediately picked up that I really didn’t like this girl.

So I suppose that’s all I have to say. I kind of got sidetracked from the main topic yet again, but that’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s my blog, and I say what I want. I can’t think of much more to say about the main topic anyways. Aaron will grow up in time. Bethany might have to put up with some annoyance, but he will eventually learn as I did with this nameless girl that shrink-wrapping females doesn’t work. Just turn on the lantern and attract them for the pests they are. I won’t go into the fact that bug zappers kill pests…

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