Scary Movies and Seagulls

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Today’s been an alright day. I got to sleep in, which felt so good because I haven’t had enough sleep in so long. I still didn’t really get enough, but for some reason I can’t sleep well anymore. I haven’t slept peacefully for an entire night in months. I always wake up during the night. I’m not quite sure whether it’s the light – either from my window with the streetlight strategically placed right outside my window at night and the sun during the day, or from my clock (seriously, it’s pretty bright) – or because my bed’s uncomfortable.

Perhaps I sound like I’m complaining, but I’m just trying to find a way to have a good, restful sleep. I’ve tried putting a shirt or blanket over my clock, which helps somewhat, but also means I can’t see the time. That’s not too much of a problem if I’m asleep, but when I wake up I can’t see how long I have left to sleep. I’ve tried hanging a blanket from my curtain rods to cover up more light coming in from around the edges, which also helped a bit, but also caused my curtains to fall down a couple times during the night, waking me up and making me get up in the night to fix them or else have even more light coming in than before.

As for my bed, I can never get quite comfortable. There’s some sort of ridge in the centre of my bed – I’m not sure whether it’s a spring that has come loose or what, but it really makes things uncomfortable. I usually practice my circus acts of contortion while I’m sleeping to try and avoid the middle of my bed. I actually sleep better on a couch or something – I always find that I can sleep quite well at Jordan’s house. Their couch is quite comfortable and it’s always warm there. I’d sleep on a couch at my house, but the only comfortable one is down in the basement, and right now it has a whole bunch of Christmas stuff on top of it. Silly parents, couches are for sitting on, and of course sleeping on.

Why do I find couches so comfortable? For one thing, they don’t have strange ridges running down the centre to dig into your back while you’re sleeping. But I really like the back of the couch – that’s what I really sleep on. I’ve always slept best on my side, but on a couch I can sleep half on the back of the couch and half on the bottom – the sitting part. I can sleep at like a 45-degree angle. And if I feel like it, I can sleep the other way, at the same angle, but on my stomach, which is also quite comfortable.

So that’s my speech on sleeping on couches. I’m not really sure how I started on that topic. However, I am now done talking about it. Today I basically relaxed and watched a couple scary movies – not actually scary movies, but the ones that are making fun of horror movies. A while ago I downloaded a couple; I’m not sure what one is called but it’s hilarious. I found it while I was looking for the second one I watched today, Scary Movie 3. It’s like the greatest movie ever. I’ve had the idea to make a funny scary movie for such a long time and then those guys went and stole my idea. I hope they enjoy their multi-million dollars they stole from me and get led into a downward spiral of alcoholism. Wait. Okay I’m really not bitter about it, but whatever. Both of the movies are hilarious. And even though they were working off stolen ideas, they did a good job. So I’ll allow them to have my ideas – for now. Then I’ll start going on a killing rampage and make a movie about it.

Man, I keep getting off-track. Well, if I actually had a track, I’d be off it right now, but I really don’t. I have no real set guidelines on what to talk about on my blog. That’s pretty much why I keep talking about random things that have no significance to anyone’s life (even mine) and start rambling about things like sleeping on couches, killing rampages, killing couches, and sleeping rampages.

I was going to mention somewhere in here about how I have to work tonight. But I’ve pretty much beat that topic to death; so here we go. I’m working tonight. Now back to that horror/funny movie idea, Jordan and I still have these great ideas we’ve come up with for a sweet movie we’re one day going to make. It all started maybe a year and a half ago when I came up with this great idea for a movie. It would have this boy and a teddy bear. He would put the teddy bear down on the floor against the wall or something every night. Then he wakes up the next morning and the teddy bear is closer to the bed than where he put it. He looks a little confused, then puts it back in its original place and goes off to school or something. He goes to sleep the next night, and then wakes up the next morning and the teddy bear is even closer. Again, the boy gets confused, but repeats the same process of putting the teddy bear back and then leaving. The third night the boy goes to sleep. Then you see the next morning, there’s blood everywhere on the bed – the boy lays there, dead. Blood pawprints litter the floor and bedsheets, and then the camera slowly shifts up to see a mass hanging from the slowly spinning ceiling fan. The teddy bear hangs from the blade of one of the fans, his neck slit open and the stuffing escaping.

That was the original idea I had. Over the past year or so, Jordan and I have come up with a few more scenes. It was at Port Dover when we came up with the next part. We were on the little harbour sort of thing, basically just a big concrete slab jutting out into the lake with a lighthouse stuck out at the end. Call it what you will. But seagulls were everywhere. So we had this great idea. There’d be this beautiful lady or something at the end of the dock, and this guy at the other end just sitting on a bench or something. He’d notice her, and then hear the screech of a seagull, look up in terror, and see her imminent doom. Frantically, he would run over to her. The camera angle would be in front of him; he would be running in slow-motion toward the camera, as seagulls swoop down behind him like enemy fighter jets. Behind him you would see white splatters. Then, the guy would dive – still in slow-motion – and push the girl out of the way, at the same time as he falls to the ground and white splatters litter his back. Lying there, he would be killed, like a true soldier behind enemy lines.

I’m not quite sure how that and the teddy bear really fit in, but we’d make it work somehow. Perhaps our movie would be a series of short stories or something. Anyways, we had a couple more ideas mainly dealing with accents. There was something about a convenient store owned by some sort of Oriental person. Another guy would come into the store, pick up a bag of chips and say, “Salt and vinegar chips rock my world.” Directly after that, with only a split-second in between, the Oriental man would say in a high-pitched exclamation, “OH!” Then the scene would immediately cut out.

We also had another scene in that same convenient store, where some strange guy would come in. He’d walk up to the counter and in a deep voice say, “Wippuw chips pwease,” which roughly translated means, “Ripple chips please.” I’m not sure what else would come after that; we’d have to fill out the scene a little more. We also came up with some part with Angelie mouthing the words to something, but Jordan or I actually saying the words. It looked hilarious when we did it right; she looked exactly like a girl with a deep voice. If you know anything about Angelie, you know that we didn’t even have to speak for her; if she had said the part herself, she would have sounded exactly the same. Well, perhaps not, but oh well.

That’s pretty much what we’ve come up with for the movie so far. I’m sure we’ll think of a few more things before we actually go out and get a video camera and actually make it happen. I assure you, though, that once we make it, it’s going to be a big hit. It’ll be hilarious – as long as you don’t hear us laughing in the background of the movie. Perhaps we could cut out all the sound and then dub it over, which would be equally as hilarious. Man, I want to go out and do it right now. Maybe something will happen in Ottawa.

That reminds me. I’m headed up to Ottawa on the 26th with the Tozers to visit family and stuff. Actually I’m really not going to visit family, I’m going to get away from my own. My sister will be home soon, a prospect I am dreading, and the 28th is the Porter family Christmas, which will be about as exciting as watching grass grow – in the winter. I mean, they’re nice people and everything, just a little bit eccentric, that’s all. That’s likely where I get it from, and I can’t say that I always am able to put up with myself either. So this trip to Ottawa until the 29th should be quite a relief for me; besides, who wants to turn down a road trip with the Tozers on Christmas break, when the only other thing to be doing is staying locked inside so you don’t freeze to death? Sounds like a great idea to me…

Anyways, that’s all I have to say. I managed to ramble on for a while about completely pointless topics. I’ve still got Christmas shopping to do, which I’ll have to do tomorrow because Christmas is coming up way too fast. Sheesh. It still feels like October to me.

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