Christmas Holidays

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

There’s nothing quite like the first day of Christmas holidays. I suppose it technically hasn’t even started yet, since it’s the weekend, but I don’t care. The only thing that would be comparable would be the day of the last exam in June, as soon as you hand it in to the teacher. That moment is just thrilling. But Christmas holidays give us school-goers a badly needed break before the onslaught of exams in January.

I mean, don’t get me wrong; I’ve never had any problem with exams. They’re just tests on steroids, that with a bit of creative thinking can be easily conquered. The key is not knowing the stuff; the real key to doing well on exams is finding out what the teacher gives marks for. Some teachers are strict on only marking actual knowledge – those are the hardest exams. Others give marks if you “seem to know what you’re talking about” – those exams are a piece of cake. Even if you only remember one thing about the entire subject, these types of teachers love it if you try and make logical conclusions from that one fact. I’ve winged (wung?) entire essays from knowing only one piece of information. I just take that and follow through with what that implies about the rest of the course. It’s great. Free, easy marks.

But anyways, that’s enough about exams. Christmas holidays are the last refuge before having to think about them. A teacher’s favourite phrase in January is something like, “You might want to know this for the exam.” There’s really no escape from exams once January rolls around. So Christmas holidays give us students our last stronghold. They provide a false sense of security and happiness, with gift-giving and family gatherings. I swear, it’s all a scam by teachers. It’s kind of like giving people on death row their last meal.

But with that aside, Christmas holidays are a great source of relaxation. You can just sit back and, besides Christmas shopping, do nothing. Sleeping in is great. Unfortunately, this year for holidays I also have job. That will cut down on my relaxation a little bit. Fortunately, I’m not working too much. I work tonight (Saturday), Sunday, and Monday, and then I don’t work the rest of the week. That will give me a chance to run out and get the rest of my presents bought; so far I only have my sister’s present, because my parents are just so hard to buy for. Anyone who says they want socks for Christmas is just not even worth buying for. My mom usually asks for things like new baking sheets or a new Tupperware container. How boring is that? I don’t think my parents get the meaning of buying presents – it’s not about what you need, it’s about what you want. I don’t want to buy socks for my dad, I want to buy him this really cool gadget that he doesn’t really need but that transforms into a billion different things to be used for everything from barbecuing tongs to an emergency shelter, from plumbing tools to a hang-glider. Those things are the best. “Get this All-purpose Wrench that conveniently turns into a parachute, in case you fail at fixing a broken airplane while it’s flying. Watch this live demonstration of how quickly the wrench changes shape. Just put the straps over your shoulders and pull the red cord – amazing! The technician survives the plane crash while everyone goes down to a bloody death, all because they didn’t buy the new All-purpose Wrench! Buy yours today for only three easy payments of $699!”

Ahh, commercialism. Gotta love it.

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