Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

I’m pretty dead right now. I’ve worked three days in a row now, and I think I get a break until like Tuesday or something. Anyways, I could have gone to a punk concert or something tonight, but it started at 7 and I got off work at 7:30. I could have still gone, but as I stated, I’m pretty dead right now.

So, sitting here still smelling like subs (that’s a lot of S’s), I’ve got time to think. My brain is still pretty active, it’s just my body that won’t work well. Basically it’s just my fingers that still function; I’m not quite sure how I’m going to walk up the stairs when I eventually go to bed, but I’ll solve that problem somehow. Anyways, I’m just going to pick something and talk about it, because this is my blog, and I decide what goes on here. If you don’t like it, screw you. I mean that in the nicest way possible 🙂 So yeah. Let’s see here. Something to talk about. Aaah, I have a good topic: siblings.

Ever notice how usually people who are only children want a brother or sister, and everyone who has one would gladly sell them to that person for a small fee? It’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it. I mean, if you had one sibling and you sold sold them, you’d be an only child. Would you start wanting them back again? Chances are you would, no matter how much you’d like to deny that would happen. I guess it’s everyone’s responsibility to make your sibling feel worthless. I mean, not in an overly bad way, deep down inside you know that you would never forgive yourself if they got so depressed that they committed suicide or something. But I mean, whenever possible, it’s great to just put a hamper on your sibling’s day, just because you have to live with them, and you know exactly how to get on their nerves. Unfortunately, it works both ways. They know exactly how to bug you as well. So I guess the relationship between siblings is mutually harmful – it sure can’t be mutually beneficial.

I’m pleased to say that my sister is away at university right now. When I tell people that, everyone’s like “Aww, and I bet you miss her a lot.” My answer is, “Nope.” The response is something like, “Haha, yeah you do, you just don’t want to admit it.” I say, “Nope. Not at all.” Then they say, “Aww, that’s mean. But deep down inside you miss her, I can tell.” And I say, “No, I’m serious. I don’t miss her at all. Not one bit.” That usually makes me the bad guy; I don’t mind though – they’d completely agree with me if they had lived with her for 16 years of incessant torture.

You see, she’s annoying. That’s the only way to describe her. Extremely annoying. I usually talk a lot when I’m with my friends, or at school, or even at church (though not as much). At home I usually only talk when people ask me questions. Usually I just sit there thinking or staring into empty space, or if possible down at the computer away from everyone. That’s the real reason I’m always on the computer. I always take every chance to get out of my house. One of those escapes is work; if I’m not working, I try to hang out with my friends. If that’s not possible, I’m down on the computer. If someone is using that, I’m up in my room listening to music or reading. The computer’s in the basement. My bedroom is upstairs with a door. Either one keeps me away from my family.

Now you probably think I’m just a horrible person. That’s not true. I love my family very dearly. But I love them at a distance; it’s so much easier that way. My family is horribly out of date. My mom likes wearing weird turquoise/green pants and sweaters with dogs on them. My dad enjoys loafers, hairspraying his hair every morning for about 15 minutes to get this weird overhang combover – it looks like a baseball cap on his head, only made out of hair, and the brim isn’t quite as big. His highlight of the day is changing his pants, which usually happens about once every 30 minutes, when he has to do the slightest activity. I swear he has “Watching TV” pants and “Going to Bathroom” pants – I don’t know how he manages to change his pants before going to the washroom, but I guess he enjoys the security of knowing that he has to wash 20 pairs of pants every week.

My sister deserves a new paragraph because there’s so much crap to talk about her, I don’t know where to begin. She has no sense of style and wears pants up past her bellybutton. They’re usually jeans or overalls, which are “stylishly” complemented with a gaudy pair of socks. She hangs those up on a clothesline on her wall, so when you walk in you’re blasted with the sight of a zillion different colours from Winnie the Pooh socks and rainbow toe socks. I’ve known a few people who have gone into epileptic seizures from the sight of her socks. Also, now that she’s moved into a dorm room at university, in her spare time she likes to knit (completely serious here). I haven’t really seen anything she’s made, although I saw a half-finished scarf. When she’s not doing that, she’s watching anything on TLC, such as Trading Spaces, A Wedding Story, A Baby Story, A Funeral Story, A Mass Murderer Story, and A Suicidal Story From Someone Who Watched TLC Constantly. Needless to say, she tries to act cool and totally fails at it, meanwhile becoming deluded into thinking that she actually is cool because she can pick out a new rug for her dorm room which nicely complements the dull gray walls.

At home, the possibility for danger is obviously imminent at all times. Most of my extended family (mostly on my mom’s side, but a few on my dad’s side too) are the same way as what I’ve just described. My one aunt, at family gatherings, always has some gay email forward she got a week earlier that she thought was touching and proceeds to read it to the entire family as we all check our watches because we’ve read and deleted that very same forward countless times. But needless to say, when I’m at home, I don’t want to be influenced by this. I don’t want to be deluded into anti-cool “coolness”. I know I’m not cool. I don’t try to be cool. If I tried to be cool, I’d be broke right now from buying $150 clothes with logos on them. I don’t care for coolness. But I’m still at least 200 times cooler than my family. And as I just said, I’m not even trying. That should give you a rough guide to just how pathetic my family is. But as I also said, I love them – I’m not being mean here.

So how do I show my love to them? I keep my distance. Every time we talk, I end up just getting angry or frustrated and so do they, so I just shut up. I just don’t talk to them much anymore. I don’t want to start arguments or prolong them, so I just don’t talk to them unless I have to. With my mom I always feel like I’m being tested or I’m on a game show or something – a game show that there’s no right answer for so you never win and get it over with. With my dad, everything’s a math problem. Dividing by the square root of the number of pants used is not my idea of a conversation. But seriously, if I just comment about something to him, he comes in with his opinion, his advice, and then proceeds to talk about that advice for about 10-20 minutes. I’m not joking here. Ask anyone who has met my dad if he talks slow and repeats himself. It takes him a minute or two to spit out a full sentence, because he has to choose every word individually and then re-check it to make sure it’s the right word he wants to use, before saying it. And even afterwards, he repeats himself again. He says “Do this, this and this. And when you’re done, do that. So as I said, just do this, this and that. Then do this. No, sorry I mean, do this, this, and this. And then do that. Right. That’s it. This, this, and this, and then that. Alright?” Stretch that out over a few minutes, with pauses in between most words, and you have my dad’s idea of a conversation.

My sister’s conversations are just annoying. Ever since she’s left for university, she “misses me.” She’s told me to email her regularly, add her to MSN, and phone her. I have done none of the above. Any emails I get from her I just don’t respond to, and she doesn’t even know my most up-to-date email anyways, so I don’t check the old one that often anyways. I also won’t add her to MSN or she’d know my new email address and start sending stuff there. I don’t want that to happen. The fact is, I don’t miss her, no matter how much she suddenly misses me. Life’s been much better here without her. I don’t have someone who constantly tries to search me out and ask me irrelevant questions about my personal life that I wouldn’t even tell my best friend, and then proceed to mock me on everything I do. “Yeah, heh, I’m Jeff, I’m cool. Look at me in my baggy pants.” Say that in a low voice – you’ve got my sister trying to impersonate me. Excuse me if I don’t wear my pants up to my nostrils and wear ultraviolet socks. Excuse me that I’m a guy and I don’t like getting wedgies 24/7 – no, because it’s obvious that I’m trying to be “cool” by wearing normal pants. I couldn’t even get tight pants if I wanted to, unless I shopped in the women’s section. Perhaps some nice overalls would make her happy instead. And don’t forget the fact that I wear horribly normal black socks. That’s just horrendous, I must have some colourful toe socks to make each individual toe have the feeling of a wedgie. I hate when my socks scrunch up in between my toes, why would I buy socks that force that on you the entire time you wear them?

That’s why I can’t stand being at home. I almost considered quitting my job because I was getting stressed, except it’s one of my only escapes. I’d rather be stressed about my job and time management than about dealing with my family. Perhaps I’m just running away from a situation. Oh well. I’ll only be here for a short while longer, probably less than a year, and then I can run away from it almost permanently. I’ll only have to visit on holidays and special occasions, which I can handle. Feel free to criticize my horribleness in the comments, I don’t care. They only stop me from being me, which is all I want. They can live in their prehistoric ways as long as they let me live out my life and become me.

Hmm, okay so this got a little sidetracked from the “siblings” topic, but oh well. I guess this needed to get out, so whatever. Leave a comment, all the cool kids are doing it.

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