Why do memories exist? Sometimes I wish I could clear out certain parts of my memory; forget about certain things in the past. I understand that would have downsides, but it would save on a lot of heartache and sadness.
I was thinking back today to some of my happy memories. I met two awesome people earlier this year, around January. At first I kind of only talked to one. We had such great talks, some serious, some crazy, some just wierd. But then she quit talking to me. She was such a great person, but then she just turned her back – I understand why she did too. It was my fault. Why must memories be bittersweet? I remember back to all the great times, and yet they’re over. They’ll never come back. I can never relive them except by replaying them in my mind. And then when the tape in my mind finishes playing those good memories, the bad ones at the end play next.
After that, I talked to the other awesome person more. I got to know her, got close to her, and even went out with her for a month. During the summer we hung out almost every day together because we lived so close; although we were going out for a month, it was unofficially two months of pure happiness. I felt complete. I wanted summer to go on forever. And then it all ended. She decided that since we would barely see each other during the school year since we went to different schools, that we should break up. And now, the good memories spent with her are also tarnished with bad endings.
Why? Why can’t we have the good without the bad? Why must life be so hard? And why can’t I just forget about the whole thing and just move on completely? But, I must move on as best I can. I have to learn from my mistakes and keep going. I have to learn where I’m going and why I’m going there. I just wish sometimes that it was easier than this. I wish I could replay this past year and fix my mistakes.