Females

Disclaimer: This post is from the archives, and may not represent the current views of the author. It also may not be at all interesting to read. Continue at your own peril!

Girls bug me. They annoy me so much sometimes. It seems almost a curse that men are attracted to them at all, because they only bring headaches and monetary loss from the moment they enter a male’s life. And while the concentration of this pain depends somewhat on the individual, there are certain characteristics that all females share which just bug me so much that I must mention them.

First off is their annoying ability to come across as totally innocent while it’s all someone else’s fault. Usually that someone else is male. This partially has to do with society’s views of women and the feminist movement. When a female teacher sexually harasses a male student of theirs, it barely makes the news. If it does, the attitude is either that the guy wanted it since all guys are entirely and solely focussed on sex 100% of the time, or that the guy should have been able to fend for himself and get out of the situation. The teacher is barely pinned on as being at fault because obviously a 7-year-old male child is physically stronger than a 30-year-old female teacher and should have been able to get away.

When a male teacher sexually harasses a female student, it makes major headlines all over the place. Why? Because men are solely focussed on sex and the student could not have had anything to do with it, even though she probably wore low halter-tops and short miniskirts. But of course, that’s entirely beside the point because the male teacher should have restrained himself. Wait a second? Shouldn’t the female teacher have restrained herself as well? Well of course, but it was the male student’s responsibility to protect himself, right? So it’s his fault, right?

It’s these media biases which bug me so much. This bias then gets translated into everyday life. A girl does something just to bug someone, and when someone else asks who did it, the girl acts all innocent, like of course she’s obviously incapable of doing it, and the blame immediately is shifted to the nearest guy in the room. While this bias is perpetuated by the media, it is initiated by a woman’s ability to deceive and shift blame for their rightful action. You know what? When the guy comes up with a logical explanation for why he could not possibly have done it, the person who blamed them is going to look stupid. Yeah, that’s right. Perhaps a better solution for guys, though, would be to just take the blame like a man, even if you didn’t do it. From now on, when I get blamed for something I couldn’t possibly have done, I’m just going to say, “Yeah that’s right, I did it. You deserved it too, serves you right. Now shut up and go away while I beat up the girl that really did it.”

That brings me to another point: One thing I detest about women is how they hide behind their femininity, as though somehow they’re protected from everything by it. For instance, I bring my hand back to (jokingly) slap a girl who did something to bug me, and she says, “You can’t hit me, I’m a girl.” That is the biggest reason for me to actually hit them. Let me say this: I would never hit a girl. It’s not how I was brought up. But as soon as a girl hides behind the fact that they’re female as a reason why I can’t hit them, that immediately cancels out any respect I might have had for them as a female. If you say I “can’t” do something just because you’re female, then you’re sorely mistaken.

Ever been taunted by someone? When I was younger, I was pretty short. All the tall kids in the class would take something of mine and then raise their arm way up so I couldn’t reach it. I would jump a few times and try and get it, and then do you know what I would do? I’d punch them in the stomach, and when they doubled over, I’d grab what they had and run away. Taunting someone is mean. That’s all it is. It’s one of the most evil things you can do. To taunt someone is to say, “I have something you can’t have, so I’m going to hold it in front of you just so you get jealous/mad/annoyed.” That’s exactly what girls try to do. They say “You can’t hit me because I’m a girl.” That’s usually followed by a swift slap/punch to the face. You can’t taunt me. If you do, that makes you mean and evil, and therefore I have no respect for anything you say. Therefore any advantage you think you have by being a girl is automatically cancelled because you’re evil. I think it’s time for guys to stop being nice to girls who don’t deserve it.

The last thing I hate about girls is that they think they can get away with anything and everything. This is probably due to the way they were raised; fathers have a general tendency to be more lenient to girls – and I’m not making that up, that’s stated in countless parenting books and movies everywhere. So a girl comes into school thinking she can get anything because her father treats her that way. The problem is that too many people let them entertain that thought for way too long. That’s not the way the real world works – sorry to break it to any of you reading this who still think that way.

I’ve seen this plainly acted out in my Biology class. This one girl in the class asked if she could lay on the floor for class. The female teacher conveniently said yes. I’m thinking, “What the heck? That’s just pathetic!” This girl actually brought a pillow to class, obviously expecting to be allowed to lay on the floor. I wanted to ask to go to the washroom and then just step on her. Like what was she thinking? She can’t see the board, she can’t read out of the textbook, she can’t take notes, because she’s laying on the friggin’ floor with a friggin’ pillow. She wouldn’t have gotten away with that in the English class down the hallway with a male teacher. I noticed that she didn’t even ask it to him when we were in that class. She knew she couldn’t get away with it with that teacher. I wanted to scream out, “Are you stupid? Do you think everyone’s going to let you lay on the floor? Do you think your boss is going to let you flip your burgers in a Lazy-boy chair? What possessed you to even consider asking that?” Now that I think of that, I know the answer. Females are devious. They are pathetically retarded and expect to get away with everything, or else they use the “sexist” card to accuse you of treating them differently because they’re female. First of all, if I had asked the Biology teacher if I could lay on the floor, I can guarantee I would get a “no” in response. If you ask me, the teacher is sexist to males if anything.

Today a similar thing happened. In the Biology class again, a different girl than the one above suddenly, in the middle of the teacher talking, got up, walked across the room, and grabbed a chair from the other side of the room. It was one of those ones with padded seats and such. She then carried it over to her desk, turned her desk sideways, and sat down in the chair. I didn’t say anything, but I was thinking, “Oh, so you think you’re entitled to a comfortable chair while everyone else has to sit in hard desks? What makes you so special? How come you get special treatment?” Wait, I know that answer too. BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID. That’s really the answer to everything. Females are stupid. They blow my mind with their utter expectance to get away with anything they wish, while everyone else must bow before them. See, I don’t think anything would possess a guy to even consider laying on the floor with a pillow during class, or grab a more comfortable chair from across the room. If something sucks, you take it like a man, and tough it out. Of course, girls are weak and pathetic and can’t handle sitting in a normal desk for an hour. They instead expect to be allowed to do anything they want and be more comfortable.

Why do you think they make desks out of wood? Do you think desk-makers consider how comfortable they make their desks? Of course not. They’re made to keep the people in them awake. Desks aren’t made with adjustable foot-rests and a built-in remote control for the TV in front of them. So I wish girls would just shut up and suck it up. They’re always talking about how they can endure so much more pain than guys because they go through periods and crap, but how much can they really endure if they can’t sit in a regular, wooden desk like everyone else is for an hour? How pathetically weak are their periods if they can’t even put up with that? You know what guys do when they get kicked in the crotch? That’s about the highest extent of pain there is; there are thousands of nerves covered with a half-millimeter thick layer of skin, encompassing about two or three cubic inches. That’s a crap-load of nerves in a very small, concentrated area. When a guy gets kicked in the crotch, it’s like getting run over by a truck, only all that force is impacted in an area smaller than your hand. And do guys demand ice packs and free drinks and servants to help them cope with the pain? No. They walk it off. They grimace for a few minutes, and then they say to themselves, “Enough of that. Just ignore it and it’ll go away when it wants to.” We don’t demand sympathy from everyone around us, no matter how much the guys around us (who know how it feels) are giving it to us.

When football players break bones, do they start crying like a baby and ask for a hug from their teammate? No. They lay there on the field for a few minutes, because of course, they’re experiencing the pain of a friggin’ broken bone, and then they get up and walk off the field if it’s at all physically possible. They shake off the pain. I once saw a guy who had broken his shinbone in a football game. The thing was snapped the wrong way; it was bending like his knee, only outward. And do you know what I saw him do? He got up and, with a little help to take some of the weight off, he walked off the field. His shinbone was snapped outward and he walked off. He didn’t sit there crying and ask for a dish of ice cream and some soap operas. Ever wonder why there’s no professional women’s football?

The point of this is that pain is almost purely psychological. Sure, physical injuries to the body hurt. But girls have no ability to ignore that pain. They say they do, and then they spend the next half hour talking graphically about what’s going on in their period to the guys around them. And then they say, “And you don’t see me complaining.” No, you just can’t stop talking about it, that’s all. Again, some girls are worse at this than others. But they’re all like this to some extent. Guys have an ability to ignore pain. Girls automatically think that it obviously means it doesn’t hurt. But see, there’s a new technique we’ve found out: it’s called shutting up. Yeah. It means closing your mouth and not moaning and groaning about the pain for the next three years. I can still replay the times in my life when I get kicked in the crotch. They’re not pleasant. But I don’t dwell on that thought. I ignore it and move on. The only reason I’m bringing it up right now is that this needs to be discussed to make a point. Girls have no ability to not be annoying and not talk about their every little hangnail and stubbed toe. Therefore, they suck. They’re pathetically annoying.

And I’m attracted to them. Ugh…I guess since opposites attract, a superior person should be attracted to an inferior. I suppose that’s the only explanation.

7 responses to “Females”

Anonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

ok so i only got half way through, but SINCE WHEN ARE DADS MORE LENIENT WITH DAUGHTERS?!?!?! that’s not true in the least bit, sure my dad love’s me more because i’m a girl (laugh out loud jay kay jay kay) but there are more rules for me then my brother bnecause i’m a girl. so until you are a girl jeff fuck off with the dad thing YOU’RE WRONG

secondly, have you never heard of the infamous mary kay leteurneau? yep, she had her male students baby and went to jail, quite “all over the headlines”
really.

“Females are devious. They are pathetically retarded and expect to get away with everything, or else they use the “sexist” card to accuse you of treating them differently because they’re female.” yep, we are ALL like this. i oughtta slap yo face 4 usin da GODDAMN STEREOTYPES AGAIN.

i could go on forever with this reply, because it makes me angry the way you just put all girls into a clump and say what’s wrong with them all. i don’t think i’ve ever used the “because i’m a girl”, or acted like a feminist, i only get angry when guys or girls actually, talk like women should still be baking pies all the time and being housewives. also, i just read the “females are stupid”. I’m sorry you feel we are all way below you jeff, in your glorious perfection and we think we can get whatever we want and are so much more special because we’re female.

AHHHHHHH. could you for ten seconds of your life look at people as individuals instead of in groups, that you say you hate? do you know how many stereotypical male things i could say to you right now? i wouldn’t though ebcause they’re stereotypes and definitely not true for everyone. just because the majority of girls you meet don’t like you jeff, doesn’t mean they’re all stupid, selfish, feminist bitches that have easy splendid lives.

Examples of why the life of a female is not easier than a males:
1) stereotypes like yours
2) the fact we are indeed restricted more in general because our parents worry about us for many more reasons
3) we have to deal with many inappropriate comments/actions from guys (i’m not saying everyone, or every guy but it happens more so then with females)
4) YAY WE GET TO HAVE FUN FUN FUN PERIODS!!!!(btw i don’t even talk to my friends that are girls abotu my period. um ew? ya we know blood comes out and sometimes it hurts. most normal girls suck it up and deal with it so fuck you for knowing weird private school girls)
5) YAY WE GET TO SQUEEZE OUT A HUMAN IF WE GET PREGNANT
6) YAY OUR GENDER IS TARNISHED BY THE WOMEN WHO WHORE THEMSELVES AROUND AND HAVE NEVER READ A BOOK!

also, if you think YOU are superior to all girls i can understand why god wants you to be lonely for the rest of your life. you’re an asshole and you don’t even really know it.

so i’m going to end this response pretty soon. i’d just like to say that i think your post is ignorant, stereotypical, annoying, bitter and stupid. i know it’s your opinion, but i’m also entitled to mine. now i must gom make my living having sex for money in a lazy-boy chair while i complain about my period and going on to sexually harass a young boy and getting away with it because i’m female. KAY BYE!

Jeff

Haha oh man, I laughed so hard reading that, it’s this kind of thing that makes my rants worthwhile 🙂

I stereotyped in that because it makes it more fun to clump everyone together and get everyone who’s in that group but doesn’t act like that mad – point proven by your comment. Haha, making people mad is fun; and if you weren’t actually mad, don’t tell me that because it’s more fun if I think you are.

Anyways, that whole period thing basically just describes my cousin (she likes to talk about disgusting stuff normally and expect everyone to listen attentively), but I decided that girls should all be based on the actions of one or two. It’s just as fun as making racist jokes to a black friend of yours; as long as they know you’re joking, it’s great! Haha I swear if I were in a minority, I’d be the first to make fun of my group. I wish I was a female blonde newfie sometimes, it’d make jokes so much more funny.

Anyways thanks for the comment – I assure you that I could write something just as long or longer for males, so don’t feel special or anything, lol. And let’s not forget about those stupid white people, so bigoted and racist….

Anonymous

have you ever noticed how people only consider white people to be racist? but then other races will say they hate us and shit. also, why don’t we have a white history month? WHY DO ONLY BLACK PEOPLE GET A MONTH DEDICATED TO THEM?! BULLLLLSHIT. sorry, today has been a day of raging outbursts for me. i don’t know how to deal with my anger.

Jeff

Lol I searched around trying to find some way to delete comments, and it looks like I can’t. Hmm…Oh well, anyways yeah, I hate how especially in Canada, everyone has to be able to do whatever they want or else they protest against the government for discriminating against them. I think I’m a unique individual and should get a Jeff Day along with a Jeff Parade. And if I don’t get one, I’m going to drive up to Ottawa and demand that it be nationally recognized – I’m sure you’ll help me too, right? Lol…

Anonymous

i’ll say this, if the lesbians and the homosexuals get a flag and a parade, then the straight few among us should too! we can parade around the streets with our uni-coloured flag and suck each other’s faces off while the gays watch in disgust.

Jeff

Somehow I doubt a “Straight Parade” would get as much attention though. You have to be a minority to be treated as a majority here in Canada. Figure that one out…

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